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27 Comments

  1. Christy Bartley says:

    I love following you. I have 3 boys and what I sometimes feel is a large man-child (husband). I feel like I’m the only one who cares if things are in order, meals get made, the yard gets groomed, the pets get cared for, or that things get fixed. It’s lonely and I think that’s where my hurt comes from. I’d love some perspective on helping those we live with to identify mutual-agreed upon standards for co-living instead of “Why is mom always yelling!” I’d also love some mom-based prayers to say when I’m at my lowest. I very much look forward to this series!! -Christy in Cleveland

  2. Hi Monica, I have 2 boys (ages 13 going 14 and 6). I chanced upon your Boy Mom podcast in March 2021 and it has been encouraging me tremendously. I have ordered the Boy Mom book which just arrived a few days ago. I have just read chapter 1 today. It is so convicting.

    I just came to visit this blog series “What Moms need most” today, after listening to Ep. 45 – Moms need to find what fuels her soul.

    Just a while ago, I have just listened to my 14 year old boy voicing out his unhappiness, without being defensive or turning away from him (something that I hardly do, I can’t even remember when was the last time I did so). He felt shameful of me and criticised everything that I have done for him and the family as well as my interactions with other people. I felt terribly hurt, and I have been losing myself in the process, having to juggle between work and home, as well as trying to spend time in God’s words and learning how to be a better mom.

    Thank you for your perseverance in your ministry work. I am determined to take care of myself, to do what I am passionate about, in order to be a better mom.

    1. Hi Carol — I am so glad you happened upon my podcast and now can be a part of this community! You are so welcome here!! ♥️ I’m so sorry for the hurtful things your son said…That can be so painful. Just yesterday my husband and I were reminding each other to give our kids grace for saying hurtful things because they are kids and WE must be adults…but it still hurts none the less. I encourage you to keep talking to your son and let him know how that felt. That you are human and doing your best and perhaps he needs to be called up to showing more respect. (you’lget to that in the book soon! :)) Big love to you and just so glad you’re here! xo

  3. I cannot wait for the next post! I have read these a little backwards but I just loved the post on friendships! I am also looking forward to your post about weight/fitness as this is a huge struggle for me to do on top of caring for my family.

  4. I’m so looking forward to reading all of this series, Monica. I struggle with balance in all the areas you mention. I have two kids, 3 and 2 and I find their needs overwhelm me. In addition to this I’ve had two enormous life challenges in the last six months that has made life feel so heavy, so the tedium of mum life is extra hard. Thank you for doing this series! I live on the beautiful central coast of NSW in Australia, so feel the beach connection 🙂

  5. Carlee Neumann says:

    Thank you Monica. As a boy Mom of two tweens and one teen… I’m loving your series. I feel being a boy Mom is unusually difficult as we are parenting what we do not know or understand. Glad to have others on the journey with me.

  6. Wow! I nodded my head through all of that. Maybe there is hope for us all to feel balanced again. Im excited to hear your experience and help myself and others along the way. I finished Boy mom over christmas and loved it!!! Thanks soo much Monica xx

  7. How do you start carving out time for God? I haven’t been to church in a long time and my husband and I have talked about finding one that works for our family, but how do I foster a personal relationship with HIM as a beginner?

    1. Aspen,
      How did I not respond to your comment before? I’m so sorry! What an important question! My best advice for fostering a relationship with God is to just come to him earnestly, and imagine He is right there…He sees you, hears you, and already knows your heart, so pour it out to Him. (My son even sometimes pulls out a chair to imagine talking to the Lord, face to face. :)) If you have a Bible, I always suggest reading through the book of John. This will give you such a great picture of who Jesus is, and WHY He came to this earth. (Especially now leading up to Easter– it is so good!) And then when you get to leave the house again, :), I encourage you to find a good, Bible-believing church to check out. Meanwhile you can search online and see what is near you. Maybe you can watch/listen to some sermons online with your husband and see if you might feel a good connection with a church nearby. Please keep in touch and I pray you might be taking steps to get connected to God in a special way in this season. He is for you, and so am I!! 🙂 Aloha

  8. Christina says:

    I love to read your posts, Monica! They are so relatable, honest and realistic. So, thank you! I have three boys-6 months, 3, and 5. Deep in toddler land, I struggle to find time for exercise, quiet time ALONE with God 🙂 and friendship. All of those things help to lower my stress, but the Mom guilt is REAL. I work away from home about one day week, but I wouldn’t exactly call that me time… Thanks again for all of your words of encouragement, they are life giving!

  9. I relate to every bullet in your list SO much. I have two boys, 1 and 4. The friend topic feels like my newest development and I’m honestly in mourning. I used to consider myself a very thoughtful, intentional friend but now I use all my thoughtfulness and intentionality on my kids and marriage and I feel I don’t have any left sometimes. My pre-marriage/baby friends are now far away and on different paths. I have a few mom friends here and there, but they are busy too. And going out with friends without the kids means hubby is on duty. He’s happy to be, but you know- it just doesn’t feel as free. Anyway… anything you have to say on this topic will be so welcome! It feels like that extra thing in life I don’t have time for, but I just NEED female friends and camaraderie!

  10. Came close to crying as I read this. It felt like a big hug. Like a “everything is going to be ok”. Currently in a season with two young girls (9 months and 3 years) and a husband who is working hard to open a bar before deadline. He’s working a lot of late nights and early mornings, and I’ve been feeling so lonely and tired in this season of sacrifice while I hold down the fort at home. Though the end goal is worth it, the journey getting there is difficult and filled with little sleep and lots of coffee. Thankful for you and your wisdom and really anticipating your next post. Sending you a huge hug.

  11. I’m so glad you’re doing this series! I relate to everything you’ve written, literally every word, it’s like you’re reading my journal (which of course I haven’t kept up with because: baby). I have a 7 month old and struggle the most with marriage and romance right now. Scheduling time alone together isn’t working. I have an empty love tank all day every day and an hour or two of quality time is barely a drop in the bucket. And my husband needs intimacy (and I probably do too) but I JUST CAN’T HANDLE being needed by one more person right now. Will it ever get better? And how??

    1. help (or at least some encouragement!) is coming. Hang in there — 🙂 XOXO

  12. I just started reading Boy Mom today and I’m already feeling better about mom life lol. Looking forward to this series, all the topics you plan on covering resonate with me. Thank you!!!

    1. awesome, Tiffany! Thank you for reading and I hope you get lots out of it! Keep up the good work! XO

  13. I’m so excited about this! What a wonderful Idea!
    Your Podcast and your book helped me so much raising my 2 boys (3 and 5 years.) And it truly changed me and has affected my parenting in a positive way!
    I try to remember what you said and wrote every time it gets tough. You are such a wonderful person and now that you are making an effort even more to help us moms be “human beings” and women again, I’m even more happy!

    I’m 29, and even though I don’t know you personally, you are a wonderful role model, inspiration and sent by God! Thank you so much for this!

    Oh, and every topic you’d like to share, I’d love!

    1. That all means the world to me, Pauline! Big hugs to you! (and love what you said about moms being “human beings.” My mom suggested I name the series “Moms are people too!” Haha, so true!! XO

  14. Stephanie says:

    As a mom of two boys, I have benefitted greatly from your writing. I’m looking forward to this series as well as this is an issue I see so many women struggling to process. For me, reading You Who? Why You Matter and How to Deal With It by Rachel Jankivic really helped me see the roots of so many of these conflicted thoughts and reset my perspective to a Biblical one rather than a culture-driven one. I definitely recommend it if you haven’t read it!

    1. ohhh, that sounds like something I ought to read!! So glad it has helped and I pray to offer encouragement along the same lines… XO

  15. Thank you for taking the time to address this!! I look forward to hearing some practical insight and wisdom from you! Balance is always tricky! (For some reason the mom guilt thing always gets me when I try to do something for myself – which is usually exercise) Not even a “real hobby” or anything…it’s self care and sometimes I can’t even do that without guilt. The struggle is real!

  16. Kristy Haight says:

    I bought your book and can’t wait to start reading it! All of your topics interest me! I’m a mom of 4 boys, and man, is it crazy, but so fun! Sometimes I feel like I’m drowning in messy. Now that my oldest is 11 and youngest is 5, I feel like it is just starting to get better. I’m really looking forward to reading your blog posts!

  17. So looking forward to this! The struggle is real! 😭❤😅

  18. Monica Bane says:

    I wasn’t 2 paragraphs in before I thanked the Lord for your willingness to share vulnerable places and how to navigate the path forward. My boys are 6, 3, and 19 months and are full of adventure, noise, and energy. Thank you for being an example of how to parent God’s way with no apologies and in the way that is best for your family. I’m so thankful for you and your words.

  19. This is such a beautiful and hopeful post Moncia! I can’t wait to read this series! I value everything you have to say around this!!
    xx

  20. I’m really looking forward to this series. My children are all pre-teens. I’ve been home with them since they were babies and have home schooled (and still am). I often wonder when they graduate, what will I do with myself. I was a public school teacher, a loooong time ago. But sometimes I feel like after I graduate my own children, that it might be time to step away from teaching for awhile and pursue other interests. The problem is finding time now to know what those interests are.

  21. Sandi (from your book launch team) says:

    Monica, I’m so excited for this series! It’s like you read my mind and articulated the things I didn’t even realize. I, like you, will celebrate the big 50 this year (although I’m a bit behind you in the parenting journey with a 6-year old. Can’t wait to read all your future posts!