What Moms Need Most. Part VII: Moms Need Clarity and Confidence in Parenting.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this “What Moms Need Most” series so far! (Read the Intro to learn more about the series HERE.) Last week’s post was as far as I got in this series when I originally wrote it in 2020. At that time, COVID was shutting down the world. My two oldest boys came home from college, life felt uncertain, and everything shifted overnight. I quietly put this series on the back burner.

But I had a few topics left on my list — and I didn’t want to leave this one unfinished! Because I was honestly just getting to some of the things I believe moms need the very most! 🥰. And today we are diving into part VII:

Moms need clarity and confidence in parenting.

Because it’s good for us, and also because:

Kids need clear and confident parents. 💖

I admit: When my boys were young, much of my parenting was driven by emotion. My approach changed depending on the day — our circumstances, my mood, and what seemed to be working.

I was the fun mom one minute and a hot mess the next.

I wanted order… but also a dance party.

I wanted to be carefree and relaxed… and also to run a tight ship.

Yes, you can have all of these things in your home! Just not…all at once. 😉

The problem was: My kids often didn’t know what was expected of them.

And they didn’t know what to expect from me. 🥹

Over time, thankfully, things changed. Through conviction, prayer, and a few humbling moments, I began to mature. I learned that it was my job to set the tone in our home and establish clear standards. (My husband was absolutely part of that, but during his medical residency, much of the day-to-day parenting fell to me.)

And while every family’s journey looks different, I learned lessons I hope might benefit you…

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First, Some Perspective

(Because I always want to start there.)

Ladies, we are human. Flawed. In need of God’s grace every day.

We are raising children while juggling a hundred responsibilities. It’s normal to have fluctuations in mood and moments we wish we could redo. This is not about becoming robotic or pretending we never have an off day.

But it is about ownership.

Our homes are healthiest when we humbly embrace our role and lead with intention. We need God’s Spirit to help us. And we need the humility to ask for that help daily.

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Parenting with Clarity and Confidence

Something shifted dramatically when I began to own my role as a mom.

When I got clear on my priorities — and committed to them with confidence — everything changed.

When my boys were still young (around 7, 5, and 3), I made a conscious pivot. I accepted that I was the parent. They were children learning how to be human.

It was my job to teach.

To train.

To communicate expectations.

To correct and discipline (with love and self control).

And when my kids had big emotions…

I did not have to join them.

Their meltdowns became my invitation to teach — not my cue to melt down too.

Does that resonate with anyone?

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My Inspiration: Proverbs 31

Much of my shift was inspired by Proverbs 31.

Now, I know this chapter can feel intimidating. But I think we can find great inspiration there. (I’ve always found comfort in remembering this is likely a collection of qualities describing a godly woman — not a superhuman individual.)

Still, there is so much to aim for.

I love that the Proverbs’ 31 woman’s husband has confidence in her.

That she works with eager hands.

That she considers a field and buys it (!)

That she opens her arms to the poor.

She is #GOALS.

But the verses that inspired me in my early parenting years were these:

She is clothed with strength and dignity;

she can laugh at the days to come.

She speaks with wisdom,

and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

She watches over the affairs of her household

and does not eat the bread of idleness.

(Proverbs 31:25–27)

So I asked myself:

What does it look like to be clothed with strength and dignity?

How do I learn to laugh at the days to come?

Those questions became my motivation.

I wanted to be strong in character and steady in spirit.

Dignified in the way I spoke to my kids and my husband.

Trusting enough in the Lord that I didn’t live anxious about the future.

And, as I pursued that vision, I simplified my parenting.

I stopped trying to do everything.

I focused on character and faith.

I confronted my tendency toward anger.

I went to bed earlier — and got up earlier.

I took my thoughts captive.

I worked to keep my emotions in check.

I grew up a lot.

And I believe that as I developed a clear vision for who I was as a parent, my kids felt more secure in who they were. And oh what a difference that makes!

None of this happens overnight, and like all worthwhile efforts, I believe it is something we need to keep working on throughout the years. Just last week, I caught myself in an argument with my youngest son. Due to my pride, I would not back down. Moments later, I felt conviction from the Lord; I had been parenting childishly. And I needed to ask forgiveness. 🥹

The more we practice parenting with clarity and confidence, the easier it gets. And then — we can hope — one day, our ids will “rise up and call us blessed.” (Proverbs 31:28)

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If what I am saying resonates with you…If you’re ready to gain clarity and confidence in your parenting, I have good news:

Next week I’m opening the doors to my Character Training Course — A course FOR PARENTS who want a solid game plan, clarity, and confidence in their parenting. This is the best of what Dave and I have to share after 26 years of parenting. (with 3 young adult sons now who love the Lord and truly embrace Godly character.)

— AND we will be offering a discount code for $50 off for our SPRING SALE!

Nearly 2,000 families have gone through this course, and it has helped reshape the atmosphere of their homes. (You can read testimonials at the bottom of the course page.)

And I also have a refreshed FREE resource for you, today!!

“7 Weekly Habits to Strengthen Your Connection with Your Kids.”

This is actionable, and do-able! And it includes both intentional tasks and dance parties! (truly.). — Get your free copy by leaving your name and email address below!

*This will also put you on my email list so I can send you the discount code when the course opens!

I’m cheering for you as you parent with clarity and confidence.

xo,

Monica