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47 Comments

  1. I am so glad to have found you through IEW’s podcast! I already subscribed & now am catching up on many of your previous posts. I have 3 boys aged 9, 11, 13. Thank you! I am loving your blog!

    1. OH thank you so much Olivia!! So happy you found me too, and I look forward to getting to know you! πŸ™‚ Our boys would get along great! Much aloha-

  2. Elisabeth says:

    So great! Four boy mama here, too, but my oldest just turned nine, so this is perfect. Looking forward to reading the whole series.

    1. Yay! So glad you are here and truly hope these offer a bit of support and encouragement. Blessings to you as you make your way through it. And most of all, enjoy! aloha-

  3. Thank you, thank you, thank you!! You articles are a blessing to read!! I’m so glad I found you. Here’s to all us parents raising godly young men!

  4. Christina says:

    Thank you for sharing your boy mom wisdom and helping other moms as we venture into preteens, puberty, and the teen years. My husband and I have 3 boys (7,9,&11) and we try our best to keep everything open and comfortable for discussion. We’ve laid some pretty good foundations and I pray every day that we are raising our boys to be Godly men. We’re doing what we can and letting God do the rest. I’m so excited to see the men my guys become.

  5. I just wanted to add to not hesitate to have ‘the talk’ if there’s no dad in the picture. My husband passed away three years ago and so now instead of him, I do the weekend away and have ‘the talk’. It’s probably even more important when there’s no daily example to follow.

    Also even when you’re open about this kind of stuff in your daily life (as we are) you’ll be surprised at the amount of questions they still have. I thought I had covered a lot of them, but they still have questions.

    Boy #2 is also much more advanced than boy #1. His hormones are surging at age 10 already. (Started at age 8/9). So don’t think you can wait. Better early than late in this case.

  6. Fantastic post! As a mom of 3 boys I can agree with all of this. You also have me some good reminders of things I may have let slip.

    1. Aw, thank you Hannah!! Love hearing that, and cheers to a fellow boy-momma! πŸ™‚ Aloha-

  7. It’s is a bit long, but I don’t think I would have shortened it since you highlight many good points to cover. I’m looking forward to the next segment.

  8. Great article! Sadly, I haven’t even considered filters as they’re not on the computer often, though I have restrictions on all devices. Immediately downloaded Covenant Eyes. Can’t wait to read more!

  9. Christine says:

    This is the perfect time for me to be reading this post since my only son will be 11 next month. The information you have is great. I have some concerns for my situation however because I am a single mother. My son doesn’t have a male in his life that is super close to him like a father. I’m nervous and not even sure if he will open up to me about these things. Also I’m sure there are things that being a woman I will not be able to relate to or explain. Do you have any advice for me on this?

    1. Oh I’m so glad that the timing is good for you, Christine! I understand your concerns, but don’t let that get to you. Yes, I do encourage you to find some solid role models (at least one!?) for your son–if you can get him plugged into a good church with youth leaders that he might connect with, that is a great option. But, overall, I spend a lot more time talking to my boys about touchy subjects than my husband does. I’m thankful to have my husband here if I need him, but truth be told: I’m still the one to do a lot of the talking. You don’t need to relate to everything. You just need to know what a boy will face and talk about it comfortably so he knows he can come to you when he needs to. You must believe in yourself: You can handle this and God will provide if you look to Him! Aloha-

  10. Hi. My grandson has a developmental delay. He is 11 now and physically probably about 13 but psychologically maybe about 8 Do you have any advice or references in how to guide us both through this challenging time ? I have responsibility for his upbringing
    Thanks

  11. Thank you so much for this I have 3 boys 2 of which are already married. I had asked my then husband (their dad) to n have ‘that conversation’ with them which I only found out later he hadn’t…with my youngest being 14 he has started puberty I do have a great relationship with him however still find this very helpful thank you again

  12. Monica, thank you! We have a 12 year old son and this was very timely for us. Question, what internet filters do you use? There are so many choices out there. Thank you!

    1. Ok- I just realized you listed two!! Thank you!

  13. At what age should I consider beginning the “sex talk” and what type of content would that initial talk involve? I have an 8 and a half year old boy. I want to make sure he hears what he needs to know from his father and me.

    1. Hey Paige (btw–my middle name is Paige–I’ve always loved it! :)) I shared the book series that we used, and I believe it starts around 5!! So your 8 year old is definitely ready. Like I said, we don’t have “the talk,” we just begin to talk as it is age appropriate as they grow up. Keeping it open and comfortable will help so much as they get older and are ready for more serious talks! Using a book helps me ease into things, but there are many ways to approach it. Being as comfortable as possible will help your son also be comfortable!
      Much aloha-

  14. Thanks for doing this! I lost my mother almost 4 years ago and I have recognized that I need more experienced and wiser women in my life. Since you are just a FEW years ahead of me in age and your children ages I value your experiences and wisdom so much. Don’t worry about the series and posts being long, it would have read more!!!

  15. Thank you thank you thank you! This information could not have came at a better time!! I have 4 children 3 boys 1 girl. My oldest is in 6th grade and luckily we have a great bond him and I, but he’s a rollercoaster with everyone! I’ve already signed up for the filter hopefully not to late, but like they say better late then never. I’ve been struggling honestly on how to keep it all together with him. My kids are amazing I have to say. They do their chores, homework, and love family time. They are all very close to me, but I do feel I’ve missed out on the conversation about bad friends, and the steps of puberty. Thank you for this wonderful info!

  16. This was a great post. I have a 9 1/2 year old so have been thinking about this. I had great plans this summer – starting with the lifecycle of the butterfly and to start the sex talk. We did the butterflies : ) I know they will be having the “talk” in school this year so I wanted to talk to him about it before that – this has given me the motivation to carry on even though it didn’t happen as planned! And some good pointers too. Thank you!

  17. The my parents handled “negative peer influences” was pure genius. When one friend’s bad attitude was a bad influence, my parents said, “You can hang out with whoever you want, but if we see that they’re influencing you, rather than the other way around, then it’s over.” They showed me that they respected and trusted me, and had high expectations, and they made it my choice, based upon my own behavior, whether I could keep seeing this friend or not. Their trust and their mercy (I didn’t have a lot of friends to choose from, being a nerd kid at a small school) strengthened me to resist my friend’s bad influence while still enabling me (and her) to be less alone.

  18. Oooh, wow! I never actually leave comments, but I had to stop here to say, thank you SO much!! Our oldest son is about to turn 10 & this article definitely left me better equip and confident.

    1. I am SO happy to hear that Crystal! (and thanks for taking the time to leave a comment, it really does mean a lot to me! ;)) My hope in writing this series was to hear exactly what you just wrote. Bless you and enjoy the ride!!

  19. Anne Henderson says:

    Hey Monica…

    I have a question for you concerning the filters…did you let your boy sknow that you put a filter on their devices and yours, or did you just do it without them knowing??

    Thanks,
    Anne

  20. Monica,

    These are fabulous reminders; I love every point! I have 3 super-active boys, with one about to start middle school (eeeek!) We also used the God’s Design 4-book series for the sex talk; super useful. Love the dad-son getaway idea. We may modify it into a one-day getaway πŸ™‚ Thanks for these very applicable tips!

  21. DesirΓ© says:

    Thank you so much for this series. We have just entered this phase with our older son and any and all advice is most welcome. πŸ™‚

  22. I don’t think I can adequately express how fantastic this post is. Thank you for taking the time to write down all this information in one awesome place. I will be following this series for sure. I love that you have addressed filters and learning about tech and games. As someone who makes a living on social media this is huge. You ROCK!

    1. Thank you so much Debi! That means a lot to me. It means a lot that you took time to tell me! πŸ˜‰ Aloha!!

  23. I feel like 10 is too young to talk about sex. Am I being naive? Our son is homeschooled & we are together most of the time so I don’t think there is much chance of it coming up before we talk to him about it…however it is on my mind. I did show him some books on the topic & asked if he was interested in learning more about these things & he said “no.”

    1. haha, I know Sarah, it does seem young. But you can go in slowly..age appropriate conversations. We are the same with homeschooling, but we just began the conversation in a way that was understandable but not overwhelming either. Boys will often say “no,” but then their little minds will wonder and they often find somewhere to get answers. The more you let them know that you are the resource, they will learn to be comfortable talking to you. πŸ™‚ Enjoy this ride my friend!

  24. Shelly Smith says:

    I a really looking forward to this series! I have three boys and the oldest is 12, so we are well on our way! I wanted to see the books you recommend (God’s Design for Sex) to see if it was the same series we have been using, but the link in the post does not seem to be working. I found them on Amazon thru my own search, but you may want to fix that link! Thanks again!!

    1. Hey Shelly–So glad you’re tracking down the books. And I’m sorry my link was not working. I had no idea! :0. I’ll look into that now! πŸ˜‰ Aloha-

  25. Thank you for ALL this info!!!! I have 2 boys (8,7) and a girl(6). This is so helpful!!!! Keep it coming and thank you thank you!!!
    Question: what Age did you start talking or lightly touching on sex with your boys? Xo

    1. Thank you Valerie! So encouraging. πŸ™‚
      I think we talked somewhat naturally though our homeschooling etc as they were all pretty young (third or fourth grade,) but I remember beginning the book series that i refer to in the post when I was newly pregnant with Levi…Which means their ages were 10, 8, and 6. We started with the youngest book in the series and they were all totally ready for it, so clearly we could have started the older ones earlier! πŸ™‚

  26. This was so helpful! My oldest son is 11 and everything on this post applied to him right now. I didn’t think I needed those filters on our electronics, but you’re right, better safe than sorry, so I will be downloading them to all our devices. Thank you for sharing, you are such a blessing Monica!

    Lucy K.

    1. I am so glad to hear that, Lucy! I totally understand anyone who thinks they don’t need filters, (or that their kids are still young for them,) as I used to think the same way. But I’ve learned so much recently and I completely convinced that indeed–we all do need them! You are a blessing as well, Lucy! xo

  27. This is SO good! Really looking forward to future posts!

  28. Hi Monica,
    Another fabulous post! Thanks for your willingness to share your insight. Looking forward to your upcoming posts on this subject. Have a great day… πŸ™‚ God bless…

  29. It may sound crazy, but I love you, Monica! Your posts are amazing! My oldest is about to be 11 so this was ideally timed. I immediately sent it to my husband to get THAT conversation started. Thank you thank you thank you!!

    1. Becka–you just made my day. πŸ™‚ My greatest desire is to get those conversations started, and I am thrilled that my timing is right on for your family. I love you too! πŸ™‚

  30. GREAT stuff, Monica! Thanks for validating that its ok to talk naturally and regularly about sex and that talking about it isn’t going to “turn on” something in them and make them sex crazed. πŸ™‚ I have a lot of different influence in my parental circles.

  31. Well said concerning talking NATURALLY about any and all topics, laying a foundation so there’s no fear or misunderstanding. That can save years of anxiety, struggles and emotional issues down the road.

  32. Monica ~ This is sooooooo good! We did a lot of what you mentioned with our boys too. The cell phone curfew (they hated it), the sex talk (they rolled their eyes) and they were always active.
    I remember when my oldest was in 6th grade and I was homeschooling him. I noticed a couple of hairs under his arms when he was stretching and had his arms raised. I mentioned it and then my husband said something and all of sudden my son burst into tears. Poor thing….those years are so emotional. LOL
    Can’t wait to read the rest of your posts in this series.

  33. thank you! I love this post and look forward to the rest!