What to Expect When Your Son Starts Puberty
Aloha Friends!
Welcome to PART III of my teen/pre-teen boy series! (<— click on that for the introduction.) If you’re just jumping into the party, you might want to begin with the post, “What to Do Before Your Son Starts Puberty.” It really lays a foundation for the whole series.
But today we get to really dive in. With all of our clothes on. (because this stuff is awkward enough already.)
PUBERTY
We know it’s healthy, and normal. We ought to welcome it. Even if it freaks us out a little bit.
(ok maybe a lot.)
I actually like this topic. Since I grew up with only brothers, and now have only sons (my dog is even a boy!) I think I am especially used to boy-topics. I also studied sports medicine in college and went on to get teaching credentials in health and PE, so this subject is basically right down my alley. But I understand the awkwardness that a lot of moms feel as their sons approach puberty. It is a combination of all of the unknowns and the general fear of losing what we know as normal and comfortable. (It’s also the body odor and grocery bills, but we’ll get to that. )
Yet the more we know about what we’re headed into, the easier it is to face. So today, I hope to lay things out on the table simply and clearly. To de-mystify puberty a little bit. And to encourage you to walk through it all with grace and dignity, and a healthy sense of humor.
But I also want to remind you that your role in your son’s life during these years can make all of the difference in the world. Mom, you are still relevant and important. This is not a time to check out, or be too busy to be involved. You have a high calling in this season, as much (or more) than all the others.
So let’s tackle puberty in TWO categories:
First: What is guaranteed. These are things that every boy will go through during puberty.
Second: What might happen during puberty. These things may or may not happen to your son, but better to be aware than caught off guard.
GUARANTEED TO HAPPEN WHEN YOUR SON HITS PUBERTY:
MOOD SWINGS: They may be mild, or they may be pronounced, but the hormone changes that a boy goes through in puberty will definitely affect his moods. Some kids are good at trying to hide this, (bless their hearts,) and some seem completely willing to take down the entire planet (beginning with their family) with their shifting moods. But just know: It’s normal.
What we can do: To some extent, we need to expect, and accept the mood swings of our pubescent sons. They’re not trying to be moody, and I’m pretty sure they would never choose it if given the chance. But at the same time we don’t want to coddle our boys. If we let them think it’s ok to sulk around, snap at siblings, or be disrespectful to their parents, we’re not doing them any favors. Setting some boundaries for their moods is my best recommendation. For example, “I can tell you are struggling with your mood. I get it, it’s hard. I’m here if you need to talk. Otherwise, I’d just like you to go outside and get some exercise, or read your book in your room until you feel ready to be a pleasant part of the family.” (Fair enough, right? ) The good news is, thanks to those hormones, it’s often only moments before that grumpy teen is bouncing back out of his room, with the silliness of his 8-year old self.
(In an honest moment, I’ve heard my own boys say: “What’s wrong with me? I was so grumpy ten minutes ago and now I’m totally fine!”) And thus: Welcome to puberty.
APPETITE: At some point during puberty your son will quadruple his food intake. (or at least close.) Some boys start this before they hit a growth spurt, some a little later. Just expect the hungry boys and be prepared with all of the food.
What we can do: A hungry teenager will go for the easiest, tastiest thing they can get their hands on. If you keep a stockpile of chips and junk food on hand, they can inhale them in mere moments. So I really recommend limiting the junk, and stocking up on hearty, healthy foods. The granola bars and fruit snacks of yesteryear will no longer satisfy, so forgetaboutit. Instead: When you can, make twice as much dinner as you used to, planning to have leftovers in the fridge available anytime. A teenage after school snack? A plate of spaghetti and a three pieces of garlic bread. A bedtime snack? That hunk of steak and a baked potato. Teenage boys can eat. Keep as many fruits and veggies on hand as you can and require them to eat it. Remind them that greasy food will contribute to acne big time, so be wise and steer clear. Also: Direct them to water instead of sugary drinks. It’s just better for them, and their skin will thank you too.
SLEEP: Boys in puberty will need extra sleep. They’re growing and developing and their body is busy.
What we can do: Help them establish a healthy sleep routine (don’t let them stay up on their phone late at night,) and encourage them to have a regular bedtime and wake-up time. But really, when you can: Just let them sleep.
PUBIC HAIR: It starts in different places for different boys, but it will come.
What can we do: Let them know it’s coming, in the most natural way possible. And please, for the love–don’t freak out when you notice the little curly surprises. No Facebook photos of armpit hair. Keeping it cool is the name of the game when it comes to puberty.
FACIAL HAIR: It starts mildly as “peach fuzz,” and grows to be thicker a bit later in puberty. But facial hair will come.
What we can do: Again: Keep it cool and normal. When the peach fuzz is getting obvious, give them a razor and teach them to use it. (Dad, help out here please!) A little fist bump/high five is fully appropriate here. Facial hair is a manly thing and is one of the less awkward parts of puberty, so you are allowed to acknowledge this one.
VOICE CHANGE: Once again, the timing varies from boy to boy, but your son’s voice will eventually crack, deepen, crack a hundred more times, deepen some more, and finally emerge as the voice of a man.
What we can do: Normalize normalize normalize. Don’t make fun of him, and don’t let anyone in the family make fun. Just keep moving and leave the poor kid alone.
GENITAL CHANGES. Is there any not-awkward way to say that their whole package (penis and testicles) will grow, and their penis will do unexpected and uncomfortable things. They will get spontaneous erections, and at times they won’t know what to do with themselves.
What we can do: Not much. As part of your talks about sex and puberty, you should have let them know that these things would happen. If not, then talk about it now. (Otherwise they’ll go searching for “What the heck is happening to my penis?” somewhere else, and trust me: You want to be the one to explain.) Let them know it’s normal. Let them know it will get better. (a little bit anyways.) And then try to completely ignore it.
BODY ODOR: Teenagers can really stink. The increased androgens in their body react in the blood and change the levels of body odor. This means they will stink more when they sweat: When they exercise. When they’re nervous. When they’re just sitting there.
What we can do: Require showers, with soap! (those twenty-minute showers in which somehow my kids forget completely about soap and shampoo? Not okay.) Buy them a Costco pack of deodorant and remind them to use it every day until they remember on their own. Suggestion: Do a deodorant check before they leave the house. Their classmates will thank you.
POSSIBLY WILL HAPPEN WHEN YOUR SON HITS PUBERTY:
ACNE: Many teenagers struggle with acne during puberty. Androgens are to blame for the changes in the oil content of their skin.
What we can do: Though there is a genetic element to acne during puberty, there are a few things that can certainly help: Teach your son to wash his face really well, and really often. Once a day isn’t enough. Morning, after exercise, and night is best. Also, a healthy diet will help tremendously. Greasy, fried food will contribute to acne, so let him know that if he wants clear skin it will make a big difference if he eats fruits and vegetables, stays away from greasy foods, and drinks LOTS of water!
I should add, if your son’s acne is seeming to not respond to healthy foods, water, and rest, I do suggest taking him to the pediatrician. Some people find medications to be super helpful, so it is worth talking to your doctor about!
SMALL LUMPS UNDER NIPPLES: About half of all boys get a small nodule under their nipple during puberty. This can totally freak them out (I’ll never forget when it happened to my brother because he was sure he was dying. But then again, he was always sure he was dying.) It’s really no big deal. It’s just part of development while hormones are changing. Also, sometimes a little bit of milky substance will come out of a boys nipples during this time. Especially if they are squeezed (which, leave it to a teenage boy…) Again, no big deal.
What we can do: If you notice this on your son, assure him it’s totally normal. (trust me, he’s wondering.) It will go away in a year or two. As for the milky substance: Assure him it’s no big deal. (And probably don’t call it “milky substance.” 🙂 “Fluid,” should work fine.
NOCTURNAL EMISSIONS: I don’t know if it’s more uncomfortable to use the scientific name or to just say “wet dreams,” but call it what you will: it happens. And honestly, this one probably belongs under the “guaranteed to happen” category, but I’ve read that some teens may never get them (or at least never admit to it,) so I’ll leave it here. When a teenage boy’s body goes into REM sleep, his penis becomes erect. He may have a sexually arousing dream, and ejaculate (release sperm from the penis) in his sleep. Remember, puberty is all about preparing the body for reproduction. These sexual dreams are quite normal. Your son may or may not remember the dream. (Don’t ask.)
What we can do: First, I highly recommend you include this topic as part of your talks early on in puberty so that he isn’t taken by surprise when it happens. Explain as simply as you can what will happen, and then give him a plan of action for when it does. An easy approach: “If you wake up and find a wet spot in your underwear or in your sheets, it’s no big deal. Just remove any clothes or sheets that have been soiled and put them in the laundry. If the washing machine is available when you get up, just throw your own load in there. If not just let me know you want to run a load. I won’t ask any questions, and you don’t need to explain a thing.” Done. No shame involved.
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Well, the list could go on, but I think I covered the big changes to expect during puberty. Although these are some really big changes, they typically happen gradually so it’s not completely overwhelming. Just keep smiling and encouraging and you’ll all be heading in the right direction!
These years really can be a ton of fun!
We’ll tackle more teenage topics, like family life, social pressures, and dating in upcoming posts, so stay tuned!
Now I welcome your comments, follow-up questions, and personal stories (just don’t embarrass anyone) below! If you have special requests for the rest of this series, let me know. (I will dedicate one “Ask Monica” post to all things teen and pre-teen boy, so you can leave those questions here or email me at: [email protected])
People have asked about books we read/use, and I really hope to put together a little library of all of our favorites. But for now, here’s a few related to today’s subject:
The book we go through with our boys, ages 11-14: Facing the Facts: The Truth About Sex and You (God’s Design for Sex)
I recently got this book for my boys (so far it looks awesome!): Do Hard Things: A Teenage Rebellion Against Low Expectations
A set that has come highly recommended: Passport2Purity (Book & CD Set)
**These are affiliate links. (This means I am an Amazon Affiliate and if you click through the links and purchase something, I will make a few cents commission. Your price does not change, Amazon simply rewards me for teaming up with them. Thanks!)
With Aloha,
Monica
Why does my 9 yo son don’t want hugs and kisses from me anymore. He thinks there icky.
Hey Noemi — Sorry for this, I know it is hard for a momma to take. Your son likely picked up on this from someone else– he is likely modeling what he has seen. It is not unusual for a boy to be less affectionate as he enters adolescence, but I do suggest you talk to him and tell him he can still give mom hugs and kisses without being a baby or “icky.” 🙂 Best approach is usually to keep it light and have fun with him and in time he’ll probably want to snuggle back up with you. try not to stress him out by putting pressure on him. Just make yourself available and a safe place and he’ll make his way back to you in time! 🙂 Blessings
I just want to say a HUGE thank you to your article and the comments! I was freaking out cause my 11 year old soon turning 12 years old in July is having random penis erections and it was freaking me out. My sister told me about the normal erection at morning time when he needs to use the bathroom but tonight I was telling a funny story and he had an erection and just jumped on his bed to hide it. I waited a few mins and had a discussion with him and told him it’s normal. He was feeling very uncomfortable and didn’t want me to see. Most times I try to ignore it because to be honest it freaks me out cause I wasn’t ready for this lol. I’m glad that it’s normal and not uncommon and hope he manages it better over time. Should I have his dad talk to him? I don’t want to further embarrass him. Help!
Thank you.
I recently discovered that my 11 soon to be 12 year old son was watching porn on the internet, i had no idea…. Well i plan to keep all internet away from him, atleast untill i know how to deal with it
Please help! How do i handle this?
I’m so sorry, this is super sad (though even more sad it is not unusual. 🙁 ) Here’s one article I wrote on the topic: https://monicaswanson.com/how-to-handle-it-when-you-your-kid-sees-something-they-shouldnt-on-the-internet/
I pray things go ok and you can move on and help your son move on! Blessings
My dear friend’s son ran into her room when he was 12 shouting, “Mom, look! I have anus fur! Let me show you!” She was covering her eyes telling him that no, she did not need to see that just now, and he pulled down his pants a bit anyway to show her the few hairs poking out. Anus fur? She realized at that time she really hadn’t gone over all the parts as thoroughly as she ought to have and had to clarify some things a bit. Pubic hair, not anus fur! Fun times!
that is hilarious (even if a bit gross! :)) haha. “Out of the mouth of babes (and adolescents…”) aloha!
Thank you!!! Your email @ post came at the perfect time for us! My boy is 11 and this 5th grade year has been by far the hardest so far! The moods have been crazy! At the end of the school year we got the “grow & development” talk is about to happen warning and I thought….no way! Already! Needless to say your experience and honestly in the subject are going to be a HUGE help for me. Thank you! I will use you like an encyclopedia!!
Have fun for the rest of your days in Southern California, your in my old stomping grounds!
I am looking for a bit of advice here…my oldest is 10 and a half and he is already exhibiting some of these…he stinks, moodier and basically eating everything! When would you recommend having the bigger sex talk with him? He gets really uncomfortable about anything related to his “private parts” which is the ONLY way he refers to it…and my husband feels awkward too. I don’t want him to get information anywhere but don’t want to overwhelm him either!
Tania–great question. It’s not unusual for a boy to begin showing these signs at 10. It will be a process of course, but I definitely recommend you keeping things as open as you can, even if he is uncomfortable. Use a book (I linked to a few) and just say “this is what we’re doing…it’s part of our job as your parents.” Be objective and mellow, and he’ll appreciate it even if he doesn’t show it. 🙂 It doesn’t matter if you or your husband does it (or both of you) just get things out there. You could even read my post out loud to him while he is doing something quietly (face to face might be awkward.) You set the tone, mom! 🙂 keep me posted!
Thank you for the advice! I think I will request that book and start with your post 😊pray for me!
I love your blog! It has been invaluable in my parenting journey as I have 4 boys. One is 14 and handling the changes of puberty very well. My nearly-12 year old has begun puberty and I thInk will be a bit more of a challenge. This was a great time for me to reread this article! One thing I have found helpful is to have a male pediatrician whom my sons all really like and trust. Sometimes at this age kids need someone to talk to that’s not mom or dad- part of the normal separation process, I suppose- so I have made a point of getting my boys actively involved with the men in our church. Finding a pediatrician that we all trust gives them another resource if they ever feel they need it. Thank you so much for taking the time to share your experiences and insights!!
Aerin,
Aw, thank you so much! I am honored to hear that my blog has been helpful to you. Sounds to me like you’re handling everything super well…Bringing other people into our boys’ lives at this stage is super helpful, well done! Keep in touch as you go, and have a wonderful summer! aloha-
Very helpful! A couple of these things I had honestly never thought of or considered. I’m super grateful for you Monica and the advice and direction you give. Truly.
Thank you so much Britt! That means so much to me. Much love and have a wonderful summer ahead.
Aloha Monica from Australia.
Absolutely great article about puberty. It brought me tears of joy.
My son is 13th, nearly 14th, and he has been a roller coaster of mood swings. And he has been resistant to house rules. I have been learning heaps with your blogs, and I will continue reading them and putting them into practice. I believe in unconditional love with boundaries, and I hope my son will keep on growing keeping tge respect.
Wishing you all the best. Thank you for your amazing work and for sharing with the world.
Kind regards. Mona
Mona–Thank you so much. What kind words!! I really appreciate you taking the time to comment, and so happy if this offers you a bit of support and encouragement. The moods will even out in time, (I found the earlier teen years the moods were the worst!) Keep up the great work! I hope to get to Australia before too many years go by, so fun hearing from you! 🙂 Aloha-
Thank you dear Monica. Keep up also with your great writings to us. Aloha! Mona
I think another growth and puberty issue we parents need to be prepared for is the need for this age to ‘assert themselves’. This age is the time when me (as a female parent) get a lot more push back, smart talk, disrespectful attitude and basically, physical and verbal challenges. It has made being a mom of boys force me to be more aggressive and decisive with my responses. I even pondered on this age with my brother who was raised by my single mom and how she had to get an uncle to redirect this phase to establish a strong male presence. There are definitely different dynamics raising boys as a single mom, or a mother that doesn’t have strong male figures in their son’s life.
I agree!! My sons father and I coparent well but I would still like to be able to talk with him about all of this. He’s with me mostly so I am noticing more than what his father may notice. Because he is with me majority of the time while in school, I want to make him feel comfortable coming to me about any changes he experiences at the time. (For example, if he does have a “wet dream”).
Hi, Monica. Thank you for your wonderful article. The information you provide is invaluable. I wonder, is it normal for the scrotum to change color with puberty? Also, does circumcision affect penis growth?
I hope all is well in the Grommon/Swanson household! Aloha!
Thank you Shannon. Glad you found my information helpful! Yes, pretty sure color change would be normal. But no, I do not believe circumcision would affect penis growth. It only affects the skin. 🙂 Blessings to you as you navigate this season! aloha-
My son is 11 and starting to go through puberty. His testicles have grown but his penis has not. Is this normal? Will everything catch up?
Okay, weird question here.
I have a son who is 6 and he has random penis erection. It is freaking him out and me also. He is too young for puppetry to hit, right?
It will happen when he talks about the cute puppy, or pets the cat, or hugs dad or mom, or hold his baby brother. Or watches Mom and dad kiss.
Advice?
This is not unusual. Even babies get random erections, especially during sleep. I would suggest not making a big deal out of it. In fact, totally ignoring it. They will become less random as he grows up a bit. Then puberty will hit. 🙂 Good question, and yes, an awkward thing, but nothing to worry about!! aloha-
Thank you!
I turned 14 on April 7th but my genitals haven’t grown but everyone on my football team has developed genitals when do you think I will go through puberty and when will my genitals grow? Please help.
Thank You For Posting.
Thank you so much for this post! I grew up in a family full of women, so I’m clueless!
haha, I’m so glad if this helps! 😉 I grew up with only brothers, so I can’t imagine raising a house full of girls either! Aloha–
OMG Monica, I was having such a horrible time with my 12 year old, that tonight was the first time I felt like running away until I begin reading your blogs. First of all thank you for sharing your experiences. Secondly, I am THRILLED that you are sharing it because you have lived it…. My son has been saying mean things to me like “I think you are ugly”. At first I said, “why would you say that, that is hurtful?” His response was that he did not like how I sand and danced (mind you, it was only in our home, not around his friends). Secondly, he has developed hair in his areas and the stinky order as well, but does not care sometimes about his appearance and if I bring up the smell he says I am criticizing him. Finally, he sits on the couch with his hands in his underwear (because it’s soft feeling mom), so I tell him to go to his room if he wants to touch his private). I don’t know how to handle that one at all. Please help. Thank you.
Thank you, you do such a great job with these posts!
Thank you! Super helpful! ❤️
Thank you! That was super helpful! ❤️
Thank you so much for this article. My son is going to be 14 next month and has had typical signs of puberty and we’ve dealt with them as they’ve arrived, showering, deodorant, shaving, swollen nipples… This morning however he was sobbing in my arms convinced something was wrong with him, 45 min later and me guessing everything I could think of between sobs and catching his breath he said something has been happening to his privacy in bed and when he is going to the bathroom (bm), my heart sank as he told me he overheard someone at school talking about it, so he googled “is ejaculation bad” well lets just say that got him a whole bunch of misinformation and the poor kid thought he was going to die, weight loss, muscle fatigue, sleepiness, headache… I felt so bad, we never should have assumed he would come to us with the next stages of puberty just because he / we have been so open with everything else. I quickly tried to explain that it is normal and show him “real” websites that he could trust to read. I am going to show him this when I get home. Again, Thank you!
Oh wow, Jen. Thank you for sharing your story. This just makes my heart sad too as I know the shame and pain that can come with all of this when it is misunderstood. Sounds to me like you handled it perfectly. Well done. I am sure his relief is incredible! Keep up the great parenting! aloha–
I just found your website. Thanks for all of the great parenting tips especially for teenage boys. Have a 12 yr old myself. Having boys, what was your choice/thoughts on circumcision? It was a big debate for us.
Thanks,
Mattie
Hey Mattie–Thank you and I’m glad you found my site too. 😉 Circumcision? Hmmm, I guess I’d just say that is a personal decision and each family has to follow their own convictions. It does go back Biblically to being something God wanted His people to do and as a physician my husband suggests there is reason for it due to less infections and so on. But I think it is up to each family individually. Hope that helps… 🙂 Aloha-
Good article, as a father of a 13 year old and once a kid in puberty myself, I’d recommend you suggest dad get more involved in their son’s puberty, after all no one will no better than the father who went through it himself. Your article sort of reads like it’s all on the mom and she should be the dominate role in your son’s puberty development. The article almost dismisses the vital role the father can play not just for his son but also the mom when her son goes through these changes.
Sir, I think the purpose of the entire article is to help mothers feel encouraged about having these talks. Of course having fathers actively playing a role in their sons’ adolescence and pubertal stages is ideal but not all family dynamics are equal. 🙂
Totally enjoyed this article and found it quite informative. My son is currently going through puberty and am like what the heck am I to do. So glad I found this post.
Haha!! Love it Keihtra! You are not alone! Hang in there and enjoy the process!
Aloha-
Sigh…
Where were you fifteen years ago?!?!
Coulda use some of your info. then!!
Only thing I could add?
1)You say be there for your teen. Not always possible when doing a cross country move and settling in new town.. Hunting for shelter, jobs and care of total three boys plus their two boy cousins also just hitting the teen or preteen age..(and no additional adult support… We were All trying to find.
2)Have lots of food… See above..
Having said this.. I am showing this to my friends who have boys comin up to this age!! Hopefully her transition goes better than mine…
Oh bless you Marce! I feel you and I think we all wish we could go back to one time or another…Sounds like you had some unusually challenging circumstances. 🙁 Thanks for commenting and for sharing with your friends! Much aloha to you–
Thank you Monica for your series, as your insight is so valuable. I have a boy who has just turned 14 and he has definitely hit puberty. I have found that he is so quiet and isolative now. He is harder to talk to and he isn’t nearly as social and outwardly active as he used to be. School is harder for him in Grade 8 so it seems to take up most of his time and energy. I just wish I could draw him out more, help him with his confidence to try new things. Any advice welcome.
Thank you Ann. Yes, there is a fine balance there. Your son probably needs a bit more quiet. He is thinking (and obviously working hard, bless his heart!) But I also encourage you to be really open and honest with him — Invite him to hang out and you lead some conversations, even if it is awkward or a bit quiet at first. If he knows that every week mom (and dad or one of you-) wants to just have ice cream or go for a walk and talk, then over time he might open up more. Maybe share a bit from your own early teen years, help him know how normal any of his feelings are, and keep it light and fun. If he knows you are there and that you are not judging his feelings or his changing self, he will likely find you a safe and comfortable place to turn to. Just keep it up and don’t give up and assume your connection has been lost! You’re doing great i have a feeling. 🙂 Aloha and keep me posted, k?
Thank you!!
Thanks so much Monica! I have recently found you and SO glad I have!! I really, really appreciate all your advice! It comes just in time too!! My just-turned-12-yr-old is starting this journey – And lately it’s been a bumpy ride!! More fun to come, but I love your style and will be looking at you for lots of tips and help during these coming days and years!! Aloha!!
Thank you so much Laura. I really appreciate you taking time to comment! 🙂 much aloha and I’ll look forward to having you around! 😉
You have some great tips and seem to have a wonderful relationship with your boys. I have two daughters 22 and 20. We could always laugh and talk about all of this stuff. They have thanked me for being so blunt so they didn’t feel dumb in Jr High. Now I have a 17 year old boy. I became very sick from Lupus, Sjogrens and Fibromyalgia about 4 years ago. My son is angry at me for being sick all of the time and not being the fun active mom I was with his sisters. He won’t talk to me unless he has to. He avoids me and he is ashamed of me. He won’t invite his friends over to our house. He is a good smart kid but I have no idea what’s going on in his life. It breaks me heart. When I try to make him talk to me he glares at me until I’m done and if I tell him something funny or say something funny he does everything he can not to smile. He is punishing me for something I have no control over. He is just waiting out the school year to graduate so he can leave. My girls and husband think I’m nice and just a delight to hang out with even if it’s in my room. Not the boy. He is going to punish and ignore me. It breaks my heart. I wish I knew how to fix this. He was my best buddy before I got sick.
Wow Tiffanie–
That is just heartbreaking. Both your illness, and your son’s response. Sounds to me like he needs some professional help sorting through his feelings. How does Dad handle this situation? I would hate to imagine you taking all of this on yourself without more support from your husband. Be strong and ask for what you need from others. Your son is clearly confused and struggling himself. I’m sorry it is targeted at you, but please get some help here. I’d love to hear of your relationship being renewed before too long! Much love and prayers for you all —
Thank you for you quick and compassionate reply. My husband has been my best friend since we were teenagers. We just celebrated our 25 th anniversary. We always get along and enjoy each other but he will not stick up for me to the kids. He worked a lot when they were little and now that they are older he just wants to be their best friends. We have fought more about the boy this past summer than we have since we met. He will be leaving on a LDS MISSION this summer in June. He will be gone for two years and I am broken knowing he is going to leave angry at me. I can’t be out in the sun so I can’t go outside and do stuff. He is a great kid. He got his Eagle Scout when he was 13 and earned every merit badge by the time he turned 15. He is going to graduate from high school with his associates degree. But when he looks at me his beautiful brown eyes are grey stone color and he clenches his fists. I really am a layed back fun mom. I just can’t get out of bed very often. He is killing me…
Thanks so much, Monica, I just found this post and had a good laugh. We got through puberty just fine with my older boy (now 17.5) and had almost no issues aside from the acne which he’s still battling. The little one is another story! 13.5 going on 18 with far too much attitude … for days you can do nothing right and then the next day in walks the gorgeous sweet boy I love so much and I remember why I don’t send him away! The other day I told him it really upsets me when we fight so much, and he says “but you fight with me anyway!” I reiterated that just because I didn’t like doing it didn’t mean I was going to stop – he has to learn to clean up, be respectful, be kind, do his homework, learn for tests, have showers etc and I WILL be fighting with him about all of that, I just bite my tongue some times in between. This parenting this is hard work, but there are fun times in between. Thanks again for all your great common sense posts.
Thank you Sheena!! Yep, you’re in good company I believe–And you’re doing it well it sounds like! Much love to you and keep up the great work!
This was so funny and so helpful. I laugh so hard. Thank you so much! I can’t wait to read more! I feel so much better and more prepared… This stuff is happening😊 God bless you.
Thank you! This is EXACTLY what I have been looking for. Looking forward to the whole series as a Mama of 3 boys.
Thank you, thank you, thank you! My son is going through the change now and is very shy, awkward, yet humorous about it….doesn’t help that he gets teased from his older sister and cousin which I will now talk to too. I will have my hubby read this too (not my son’s biological dad….. who is not in the picture). Very informative and a great read. Again…Thank you!
So glad you find it helpful!! Thank you for taking time to comment. Much aloha and keep up the good work! 🙂
I just love, love your articles, you’re adorable personality,…I could go on. Thank you for tackling these important issues for young men. I love my boys too! (But that goes without saying).
Great post! Thank you!
This is all right where we are at and right where we want to be headed! Thank you for speaking out about the pornography problem – a great reminder and reality check, and love what you have to say about establishing a strong relationship before puberty hits!! Bought my books at Amazon this week, can’t wait to get started! Thank you Mon!!
Thank you for this, very helpful! My oldest son will 11 in October and her already eats like a monster lol. But I’m not ready for “the talk ” with him, I think I might let his dad do that part he will be more ready than me.
I grew up with just my mom and am now a mom to 3 boys. Your articles have been so helpful! I was so unprepared for the changes I’m seeing in my boys, 10, 12 & 13. Thank you for sharing!!
Any suggestions for single mothers? My twin boys are now 16 and this is probably too late for me.
No Carmen– Never too late!! You just be confident and get in there and communicate with your boys! They always need mom, and they will listen to you. Jump in where you can and love them and pray for them, and be a parent to them. They need you still!!
Thank you. you know a woman can only teach a boy so much but never to be a man just like a man can never teach a little girl to be a woman.
I have a 15 yo son and im a divorced. His dad isnt around to help him through these hard adolescence years… my son is so moody and not very motivated to do much of anything but eat, sleep and play his video games. Is this normal?
Joel,
I’m so sorry for your frustration with your son. I think what you described can be normal for seasons of a teenagers life, though I do not like to think it has to be that way. I recommend not allowing unlimited video games or anything that is isolating him. He might be slow to open up, but if you can get some time with him (take a walk or a drive or anything-) perhaps he will share what is going on. If your gut says something serious is going on, you can seek counseling. I encourage parents to keep seeking relationship with their teenagers and though it may be hard usually they will connect with you in time. Pray for him and help him find some positive places to connect–a youth group or sports ,etc. Don’t give up! 🙂
Thank you! This is so helpful.
Thank you Julie!! So glad. 🙂
Another excellent post. Thank you for this information and for being so clear. We’re just heading into puberty so here’s to all the fun ahead!
I hope you enjoy Do Hard Things. I think it is an excellent book.
Thank you for these posts. Anytime I bring the subject up they seem to cover their ears. My 14 yr old had the talk with my husband which was helpful when and as all the changes have happened. But our 11 year old is a different personality. Needing a different approach. I will try the books. I remind them every day about deodorant. It is repetitious but necessary. The eldest is getting better at remembering. The youngest I think we have not found the right deodorant for his body’s chemistry. What was the name of those products from a post over the summer?
Laura–Yes, they cover their ears sometimes here too, but trust me: They’re listening. 🙂
The brand I shared a little while back was 808Dude. People have really liked it–and all natural, organic.
Hope that helps! Aloha-
Thanks Monica!
Thank you Monica, this was super helpful! You are too kind to share all this information, my 11 year old is going thru about half of the points you covered already so is nice to be ready for what’s coming very soon.
xoxoxo
Lucy
I’m so not prepared right now (not like I need to be THISVERYSECOND) but I’m so thankful that you just came out and said all the things. It can be so easy to dance around subjects, but I feel more confident about talking to my boys when the time comes!
Thank you Heather. Yep–You’ve got a bit of time, but indeed–time flies! 🙁
Knowing you, you’ll be beyond prepared and on your game! Enjoy these times now, and you’ll have a great time all the way through. XOXO
Monica, again thank you! These posts are super helpful. As a mom to 2 boys (7,8 ) and a girl (6), I will be dealing with this soon and welcome all of your advice? We bought the good/bad pictures book and my hubby and I are reading/talking. I also love all your book suggestions to go with this! You have an anazing gift and I’m thankful you share! Your husband and boys are so lucky! Keep the info coming!!! Xo
What age did you start puberty talks? My boys know the word because a middle school cousin used it. I explained in general terms, but that’s it so far.
I started talking to my boy at 8, which I thought was pretty early, only to find out that the words and concepts were already coming up in his peer group and he had questions.
Yes, I’m not too surprised. Crazy, right? Thanks for sharing! Great reminder to start young! aloha-
We started everything pretty naturally as kids grew up. More officially we started the book series that I referred to (“God’s Design for Sex” series) when they were pretty little. (I think the first book in the series says you can begin at age 5, so it stays very basic.) It helps to follow the books because then we aren’t just bringing up a random topic and margin things all awkward.
As far as discussing puberty specifically, it’s been different for each one. I suppose when we saw the first was getting near puberty we opened the conversation more, but the younger ones saw the older one, so the talks all began earlier, and even more naturally. Sorry if this isn’t super clear, but we’ve never the type to follow a set formula or structure.
Thank you!!!