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34 Comments

  1. You have no idea how much I reference your podcast & book when raising my 3 boys. I found your website and so thankful for this article. My oldest is turning 13 in a few months, and we are entering the world of girls. I am so grateful to find this article. As a Christian, I want him to be strong minded and think differently from the norm. This is encouraging, gives me hope, and I will be using it while navigating raising a teen boy. It means so much that you share your experiences of raising your sons with the world.

    1. Blaire— thank you so much for the kind comment! I am so glad you’ve been encouraged by my topics. Big hugs to you! xo

  2. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and ideas. I have come across a few of your posts when I have searched various things. Iโ€™m happy for you and your family and wish you continued blessings in raising your children with God as the center.

  3. This was just a beautiful read monica thank you, my thoughts exactly on no need to get serious with a relationship in high school because most hs relationships end. It was more fun hanging out in groups of friends less drama and yes we had crushes! but I tell my youth group especially in Middle school what happens with these relationships you just end up unliking each other on social media and losing a friend in the end… so just stay friends no need to date. There is a saint dwenywen special prayer I like to call saints spiritual friends … Its a prayer to God to meet the right person in the right time in the right way. The kids loved her and her story she is from wales. They could relate to relationships and desire for the right one. Thank you again, Melissa

  4. Also, have you considered writing a post concerning homosexuality? My boys are still ignorant to this issue, but I know it will come up eventually – perhaps by seeing a same-sex couple together. Have you faced this yet?

    1. Thank you Sally…Yes, that is a hot topic! Much easier to avoid talking about it, haha, but maybe I will get to do that eventually. ๐Ÿ™‚ Meanwhile, I would be happy to chat via email if you have any specific questions ([email protected]) Thanks for the suggestion and I will definitely be thinking about a post on that. Aloha-

  5. What if you and your husband don’t have the share the same views about abstinence?
    What if your boys don’t see a good relationship at home?

  6. How do I respond to the question of if I waited until marriage? My son is 9 but I want to be ready for that question when it comes up.

    1. Thank you Mari–This will be on the list for the Q and A post (in a week or two) Great question!! Much aloha-

  7. I have really been enjoying these posts. Though I feel I must say I disagree with your son’s choice not to date. I mean no disrespect with this, I only wish to share my thoughts.

    There is much that can be learned about yourself, your likes and dislike, other people, how you interact with them, and your expectations that can only be realized by experience. There are many joys, heartaches, and challenges to interpersonal relationships and being able to make mistakes when the stakes are lower can build the character needed to make the right choices when the stakes are higher.

    Not every date is a courtship. Not every show of affection leads to sex.

    It is easy to avoid temptation when you are isolated from it… but then you have never faced temptation and held your ground.

  8. Thank you for this wonderful post. Many of these topics have been racing through my mind as my daughters come of age. You have helped me to narrow my focus (and anxiety) on what matters most, a Christ centered, personal faith. I have been so worried about doing the right things for my daughters, that I’ve failed to put God in control of how I parent them. Would you mind taking a few minutes to reference some biblical passages, which go alone with how you teach your sons about God’s plan for our lives and what God’s word says about marriage, sex and relationships?

  9. Kate Prevatt says:

    I read I kissed dating goodbye as a teenager…I loved it. It was good food for thought and very encouraging.
    Our sons surf HSA together. Austin is always telling me that Luke is a good kid and doesn’t talk trash in the water. He loves going out to free surf and finding out that Luke is out there. We homeschool also, I love the innocence of kids that are homeschooled! Great article.

  10. thank you so much for this series. it has encouraged me and stirred my thinking in intentionally bringing up these tough topics with my son and daughters.
    It is so refreshing to find others who share this “likemindedness”
    please rememberall to not only pray for YOUR children’s hearts and decisions as they enter these young adult years but also to be praying for the hearts of their future mates- that too would be guarding their hearts and minds for your precious sons (and daughters).
    thank you Monica – I appreciate you!

  11. JC Reveles says:

    I was forwarded this article by my wife as our oldest son is starting to consider dating. I think it was pretty good. You have done a great job showing us how to love and protect our sons; however, I would have liked to see the Dad’s perspective in all of this. If there’s somebody that understands the way the son’s mind behaves, well that has to be an “involved” Dad. Don’t get me wrong, a Mother’s love and guidance will never be replaced, but God created men and women differently for a reason. In marriage, a man and a woman should compliment each other as God intended. The way a husband treats his wife should show with a Godly example the basis of dating. The father should understand first hand the feelings, the pressures, the physical attractions that boys experience at this age. I’m not trying to generalize, but who is more likely a boy to trust on this new and “weird” feelings: his mom or his dad? Lastly, thank you for writing about this topic.

    1. Thanks JC! So glad you liked the post. Keep in mind: I am a mom and wrote from a mom’s perspective! If you take a look around my blog you’ll see plenty of mentions of the huge role my husband plays in parenting! ๐Ÿ™‚ I actually give him most of the credit as he is the quiet, gentle strength that leads our family! (thankful!) I wrote this with lots of “We do this” and “We do that,” and I even mention how my husband set the standard by his own purity and praying for me since he was a boy. I’m the one writing so it makes sense that I wrote this as a Mom.

      Much aloha to you, and keep up the great work in your family!

  12. I take the stance that your son so wisely has taken on his own. There is no reason to date until you are old enough to consider marriage. I dated before I was out of school and even though I waited for my husband for physical stuff, dating left me with nothing but heartbreak. We already talk to our 7 year old about sex, marriage, love, dating, and such. He has cousins and friends who have “girlfriends” and they are still in elementary school. Most people think it’s just cute and innocent but it’s a bad example to set. But I feel that it teaches children from a young age that relationships are just fun and short lived.

  13. Autumn Igo says:

    I also have three boys and since they have been little I’ve been praying for them, their wives, their purity, their marriages…and somewhat dreading when they start to date. This world is so HARD and I worry that they will stumble in the face of such huge temptations. I just had a conversation with a friend though, that encouraged me. She has a daughter that she raised to have a relationship with Jesus, who still is in a Bible Study…that just so happens to have been living with her boyfriend for the last 2 years. My friend has been so disappointed for her daughter and feeling a little hopeless for her situation but God gave her some hope. Her daughter’s boyfriend asked for her hand in marriage last week and they are going to be planning a wedding soon. My friend is seeing some light…that even though her daughter has walked away and is not following God’s path for her, He can work ALL THINGS back around to His purposes. So even if our kids fail (and they will), we serve a big God who can take their failures and make them work for the kingdom. So I will continue to teach my kids about purity and strive for Christ likeness with them, but I will know that God has their future in His capable hands…even if they take a meandering path to get there.

  14. Thank you for this post!! The “dating issue” has been on my mind for quite some time. My son is 8, and started noticing girls when he was in Kindergarten! We, of course, do not encourage it. It is refreshing to see that others believe in courting & not just dating to date. I have felt that in my heart for years now.

    Love your book choices. I started reading Power of a Praying Parent when I was pregnant with my daughter (who is almost 10). The Every Man (& the Women’s series!) are outstanding!! I have had the I Kissed Dating Goodbye on my wish list for a couple years!

  15. Wow! This is wonderful and God-honoring. I will be sharing it with the women in my mom’s group for middle and high schoolers. I think this is a valuable resource.

    1. Thank you so much Kristen! I appreciate you sharing as well! Aloha!

  16. Monica, I am a new subscriber since a facebook friend posted one of your blogs to her page. I am so glad I found you! I think you’re great and a unique voice in the blogosphere. I have a 10 year old boy whom I adore (of course) and he is also a bit of a mystery to me. So I appreciate your perspective and particularly your delightful enthusiasm for boys — it helps me relax into my own. ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks so much!
    Allison

    1. Thank you Allison! That is so nice to hear. ๐Ÿ™‚
      Glad you find some perspective on boys at my site…I’ll look forward to getting to know you better! Aloha-

  17. Our boys do not date until they are 16, and they only group date until they are out of high school. We have taught them the joy, peace, and freedom that comes from chastity before marriage. Many of their friends feel the same way. Sexual purity is a big part of our family psyche.

    1. Awesome Jill! Well done. It is such a blessing when they have friends who share their values and convictions! Happy to hear that! aloha-

  18. I am loving this series! I have 3 boys and a girl: 10, 8 and 5 year old twins. We are trying to introduce these topics and be aware of any “hints” that we need to talk to our boys, especially our oldest. Love your blog! Thank you for sharing your ideas ๐Ÿ™‚

  19. TaMikka L Jarmon says:

    Monica,

    I just wanted to take the time out to simply say THANK YOU!

    As a mother of 3 beautiful boys I truly feel a but more comfortable with the task at hand. I don’t have teenagers just yet my oldest is 11, but I’m glad I found you. So again THANK YOU

    1. Thank you TaMikka! 11 is a perfect age to really zoom in on things. So glad to hear from you! Much aloha–

  20. Monica,

    I really liked what you said about dating or courting with a purpose. That purpose being marriage and not just hanging out and enjoying the physical relationship. So many people today want the physical relationship but without any commitment.

  21. Monica,
    Thank you for sharing your heart. It is obvious that it took you a great deal of energy and thought to write this post, without coming across as judging. I wholeheartedly agree with the way you are raising your boys and your suggestions about dating. I love your posts and pray that God will continue to use you to share your wisdom and the truth with others. I feel that if moms can get this information and apply it as soon as possible, society will benefit, parents will benefit and the children will benefit.

    1. Oh thank you Lisa! That is super encouraging! It is my prayer that many people read my post and are encouraged as well. Aloha!

  22. My son is 13, I’m not afraid of premature sex, but I know the girls push them to Get a girfriend and to kiss them….can you write about kisses and hugs, please.
    Thanks so much for your posts, they helped me a lot.

    1. Hey Anna–I’ll try to address that in my Q and A post coming soon. Bottom line though–kisses and hugs lead to…more. That is why my 16 yr. old chooses to just stay away from getting physical at all. At best they get a taste for physical contact and wish for more. At worst they go for more. That sounds so conservative i Know, but it is how our bodies are made and I see no reason to mess with things. Girls will only like a boy more if they are strong in their convictions. ๐Ÿ™‚ If they do decide to kiss and hug I would just help them to be sure they know exactly where they will draw the line. Better to decide in advance than in the heat of the situation! all the best– ๐Ÿ™‚

  23. Dianne VS says:

    Loved it Monica! As a Mom of three GIRLS (ages 15;11;9), I am so grateful to see that there are families raising Godly sons as I attempt to raise Godly daughters. It makes me hopeful!!

    Loved your perspective and the list at the beginning…great tool!

  24. Monica, what a great post–thank you! So detailed, well-thought-out, and direct about a topic that can be difficult to discuss. This is very helpful as i gather ideas about how we’ll handle dating when the time comes. Thank you!!