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  1. Sherry Hamilton says:

    Is this something we need to ‘sign up’ for?

    1. Hi Sherry! No sign up needed. 😉 Just click on the links at the bottom of the post to read all of the posts in the series! Hope you enjoy!

  2. My son just turned 14. He is really into Japanese anime. Long story short I started to notice changes in him his grades are very good but changes I randomly checked his phone or his computer and I have never found anything bad before. I started checking and I found that he had several email accounts I did not know about and I have been viewing hard-core porn I’ve been awful stuff for two years now. I can’t stop crying I am overwhelmed and I told him that he’s Instead of carpet it’s not normal. The things that this lights up hold up let me in they came up in his history are absolutely perverse in every way. He has ADHD and he’s always been a good boy he has moments where he struggles with concentration. But I am mortified and I don’t know what to do. He has lied to me and I can’t even look me in the face. I am a single mother he has a brother but his brother’s 26. I wanna help him but I don’t know what to do and I’m grounded him of taking away every way all of his electronics. I hope you get this message soon because I don’t know what to do and I really do your help.
    I love my son very much but every day for the boat where do you see it it makes me wanna throw up.

      1. Sorry for all the typos in my last email. I was very upset when I was writing it I could not stop crying. The more I looked the more I found and I was crushed – wondering how I could have missed something like that.
        In a nutshell he has been viewing porn for almost two years…..things I can’t even fathom. My first reaction was not good I was devastated for him…. I yelled screamed cried. My sweet boy had now seen sex in the rawest most sadistic way. It took me two days to calm down. I told him I loved him but I could not talk to him right now.
        I blamed myself and I couldn’t focus, eat, or sleep. I love my son very much and I wanted to help him. I kept searching for answers from a christian parents perspective and what I found shocked me but helped in a big way. Porn is something that 80% of 14 -16 year old teens in America have seen on their phone and/or computer. The statics say that some as young as 8 have been exposed but the typical age is between 11 – 12 years of age. The porn they are seeing is hardcore, free, and easy to get to. Satan is on the warpath to take our children and confuse their minds.
        The website I went to said that Flipping out was the wrong reaction to the situation and that would cause your child to be afraid to talk to you about things dealing with sex. It ask this question “Would you rather your child go to his/her friends for answers or you their parent.” It went on to say that I should share any experience I may have had with porn with my son (as you feel comfortable). That lets them know you are not perfect and will open the door for deeper conversations. At first I was skeptical but I wasn’t going to let Satan devour my child and warp his mind.
        So, I talked with him that afternoon in the truck on the way home. I told him that I had viewed porn too…he couldn’t believe it. I told him that my first husband really wanted me to watch it with him and I was reluctant but finally gave in. I told him how it made me feel very inadequate and embarrassed about my body. Watching porn hurt me because I could not understand why I wasn’t enough. He listened and we talked very frankly about things and it did open the door for real communication. I explained to him what God says about making love and that it is a beautiful gift to a husband and a wife. That is was not what he had seen. What he saw was Satan’s perversion of God’s gift. I explained that many of the people he was seeing were drunk, or drugged, and many weren’t there of their own free will. I talked to him about sex trafficking and what happens to these people. How God loves us and making love isn’t what the internet shows, it is something beautiful between husband and wife….. the closest you can get to each other.
        In the end our relationship has grown so much stronger. My son was glad he got caught he was hurting and feeling awful about what he was doing. It was so hard to do what I did but God gave me the strength and courage to help my son. I did ground him from his phone and personal laptop he has a school issued laptop but it is blocked any bad sites.
        It still breaks my heart that our children’s first encounter with sex is the raunchy disgusting perverted internet. I pray that those images will leave my son in time.

  3. How do you suggest talking to your teen son about his weight? My son plays high school water polo and swim team but needs to lost weight desperately. He is a big carb eater despite my constant reminders about healthier choices. At this point he just gets upset with me

  4. Hello Monica, you seem to have a great deal of insight about teen boys and I am grateful that someone is sharing openly. It is neat how you are enjoying your boys. I have a girl who is 21 and three boys, 17,14, and 12. I am severely struggling with them. I am a Christian and my family attends and is committed to going to church and are activ in our church but my boys are not Christians and they will tell you so. The oldest says he is but I think he is either questioning his faith or falling. The others just tolerate it. Because of this they seem repelled by me. They mostly stay in their rooms aside from homeschooling. They do not seem interested in me at all. I have grown not to like them much because they are all about themselves. I hate saying this and I hate feeling this way. It too sounds selfish on my part. Their Dad gets how they are but not how I see things. I keep praying for God to help me be satisfied in only Him, as I know I struggle with making my family a Christian family; an idol. This isn’t what God has given me. I am trying to remember serving them and doing so with a good, true heart, but I admit I want something in it too and this is where my sun comes in. I am so depressed, I am in the Word and prayer and it holds me through but I feel I could die today and they wouldn’t notice. Any words of encouragement? I have talked with them and others and do have support but I just can’t get to a place with it that I think is right. One friend told me that I am having trouble seeing my boys as growing up. I see a little of that but didn’t think hat was totally it.

  5. Help, I’m in a teenage boy nightmare. Just briefly for background purposes, I was an active pre teen to my now 16 ur old however when he was 11 we discovered my 1 month old girl had an incurable life threatening disease. She died on my sons 13 birthday party in front of 30 of his friends. Awful is an understatement, this mama went south and I don’t mean on a beach vacation. I mean I checked out of life and my precious son went from 13-16 on his own. Wow saying that out loud makes me ache inside. So it’s no wonder bad friends, alcohol and drugs are I his life. Now ever so present I’m not sure how to guide him into cleaning it up and how to be patient with the shock and awe I have unveiled We are Christians and I don’t mean that as a cliche I mean Jeaus is my rock and I wouldn’t be standing right now rig without his grace. But even the best of the best get defeated and make poor choices. It’s all they the bible. But here I am standing in the shadows of a nightmare Now what?

  6. Monica, just letting you know I LOVE your series on this. I’ve been telling all my boy-mama friends about this and emailing them your link. Love your authentic, transparent vibe and kind of telling us like it is…whew 🙂 A little daunting sometimes, but oh-so-needed. A breath of fresh air. Keep it coming 🙂

  7. I just read your old post about being a “teenage boy” mom. I loved it. Maybe because it made me feel like I’m doing alright! Some days are hard, but fortunately for me my boy still hugs and kisses me in front of his friends. He realizes when he’s lost all of his privileges it’s not because we hate him, but that we expect him to be the amazing kid we know he is. I agree it is so awesome having a teenage boy! Thank you!!

  8. How do we find and follow this series? I have 3 boys 13,12,&10 I can’t wait to learn from you!

    1. Hey April! So glad you are interested in following the series! The easiest thing to do is click on my “SUBSCRIBE” tab in the right hand side bar of my blog. That way you’ll get an email each time I post a new article, or a weekly update with anything I have posted each week! Here is a direct link to the “Subscribe page: https://monicaswanson.com/subscribe/

      (Or, just come back and visit at http://www.monicaswanson.com anytime you like! 😉 Aloha!

  9. Marialyce says:

    I have a 14 year old mystery living under my roof! Looking forward to this series to help me figure him out!

  10. All my son seems to want to do is play video games, it’s his only interest. I thought he’d eventually grow out of them or get tired enough of sitting there playing hour after hour that he’d come up for air and find something else to do but that hasn’t happened. I want to take them away completely but I know it would crush him. What should be the rules about games? I’m at a loss.

  11. Eva pocklington says:

    I am a grandmother and want to help my grandsons with any advice that I deem helpful. I like your philosophy and friendly non judgmental advice. A little humor goes a long way with teens. Thank you

  12. Would love to learn how to stay connected to my pre-teen, how to really listen (and perhaps interpret when there is not much being said, no details…) and how to carve out time for him without being distracted by my other boys so he really knows how important he is. I have 3 boys, 12, 10 and 6. Love them all to pieces but fear I’m losing my oldest – is this the normal pre-teen stuff? Less happy, less engaged, more defiant, more into video games… Help!

  13. Sara Mirtaheri says:

    Hi Monica,
    I have a eleven year old boy who is going into middle school, I guess my real question is how to support him and his Christian beliefs when at school. I’ve always told my son the truth about everything. Some may say I’m too truthful with him, but I made him a promise, I would never lie to him about things. We have already had the “sex” talk, discussed Playboy, and what it means to date a girl who loves God. I’m just concerned about him finding his way through his faith in school. ANY THOUGHTS??????

  14. Dara Lewis says:

    I have a 15 and 12 year old son-I can’t wait to read your recommendations.

  15. I’m so glad I found you. Not sure if Monica is your real name or blog name but I find it so apropros because Saint Monica prayed for her wayward son for years! He became one of the Church’s most revered Saints: St Augustine. Thank you! I look forward to following you!

    1. Hi Margie! I’m so glad you found me (or we found each other?) as well! 🙂 Monica is my real name, and I’m so glad you shared that because I actually didn’t know that! What a fun little story! Thank you for commenting and aloha!

  16. What a great idea! I have two daughters, but I work with parents and teen boys in my counseling practice. I will definitely be reading along and sharing your posts.

  17. I would love to hear your thoughts on technology as well. How your family balances use of phone- Instagram, video games, texting – etc! Thank you!

  18. Sheryl Orlich says:

    Thank you! All the topics sound great!

    I have 3 boys ages 14, 12, and 6. We have just started dealing with our oldest questioning his faith. A normal step in faith development perhaps (particularly for an intellectual type), but nevertheless disheartening for parents that have raised their child to know the love of Christ. So would you consider as a topic, Teens and Questioning God?

  19. Me too, I like the second comment. My boys are four and seven and I love learning about what’s coming next. I’m excited for your posts. My seven year old, who was six last year, in grade one experienced bullying from one of the kids in another class, and at recess. I never seen any of this coming – and it was absolutely an awful year for us last year. Aside from parenting and my working from home life – my life was consumed with helping my son recover from it. We are still working on healing – but we’ve had the summer and he is back to his old self. But school starts up again! Parents learn all you can about this before sending your kids to school – and Monica -if you have some great advice – please do a post.

  20. What about electronics? My boys want to spend all their time playing video games. Interest in other things is gone. It’s a constant battle in our home, very frustrating.

    1. Sara Mirtaheri says:

      We have a rule in our house which goes like this: Mon-Thursday during school no computer, iPad, or gaming. Friday night – Sunday his time. At 4:00 pm on Sunday off computers. This way homework is done and he still has time on the weekend to do his things. Now in Summer 4 hours max. Two in morning and two in pm. Afternoon exercise…pool, basketball eco. Hope this helps a little..

    2. I’d like to hear more on this topic as well.

  21. Although my kiddos are elementary aged, I can’t wait to read this. You can never be too prepared. An idea for the future, could focus on kids and/or teens… How do you teach both appreciation for the fortunate lifestyle many of our children lead and financial literacy? You know, drawers bursting with clothing, oodles of toys and enough outings to write their own blogs aren’t a given around the world! We give an allowance and make them responsible for small purchases, give a budget for birthday gifts and school supplies and ask them to contribute from their own funds to charities they support ( we double anything they donate so $5 becomes $15 for charities they love). But, I know there is so much to teach kids!

  22. SO very excited for this! My son just turned 13, and I need all the help/advise I can get! Thanks again!