Let’s Talk Middle Children {Episode 91, with my son, Jonah}
Talking about Middle Children, and offering a giveaway!
Today we continue our mini-series about birth order! I loved hearing from so many of you about your firstborn kids last week, and found so many of your comments fascinating! And now I’m so excited because today we get to talk about the birth order that kicked off this whole series on my blog so many years ago: MIDDLE CHILDREN!
I was exploring birth order back when my 2nd son was barely a teenager, and what I learned was so helpful to me that I wanted to share it with my blog readers. The response blew my mind! Not only did a lot of people share about their middle children, but over the years a lot of middle children (tweens and teens, as well as adults!) have stumbled upon the post and left comments or messages sharing about their own experience as a middle child. (you might find it interesting to read through comments in that blog post.) I love this topic so much, and I believe that, maybe more than any other birth order, it is super important for parents to be tuned into their middle kids!
My 2nd son Jonah joins me at the end of this episode to share honestly about his experience being a middle child and offering a bit of advice to the moms and middle kids who are listening.
SHOW NOTES:
Read the original blog post, “What Middle Children Need Most from Their Parents” here.
The Birth Order Book: Why You are the Way You Are, by Kevin Lehman (enter to win a copy at the bottom of this post!)
List of what middle children need most:
1. Unconditional Love and Attention. (middles can miss out on attention as the older — and younger, kids tend to demand more attention.)
2. A listening ear. Middles often feel overlooked.
3. Standards and Expectations. (don’t let them get by with the older sibling doing all of the work.)
4. Some decent clothes. (hand-me-downs are great, but…)
5. Options. Let them choose stuff. Movies. Dinner. Having a voice makes them feel valued.
6. Help finding good friends/direction in life. Middles may gravitate to socialize outside of the family. Keep offering counsel and support. They still need you.
7. Communication. Talk about their birth order and listen to how they feel about it. This alone will make them feel affirmed and validated. 🙂
Thank you to this episode’s SPONSOR: A party to Remember, by Tim Tebow! 😀
New from New York Times bestselling author, Tim Tebow. BRONCO AND FRIENDS: A PARTY TO REMEMBER. In a world that often expects everyone to look and act the same, standing out can make us feel less than. But as Bronco and his friends learn, bringing your own particular gifts to the party makes it more fun for everyone. This sweet story and adventure to remember reminds children – and their favorite adults – that every one of us is special, wonderfully made, and essential to God’s big party.
FIND OUT MORE ABOUT THE BOOK HERE: timtebow.com/broncoandfriends
Also note for interested WRITERS!…. HOPE WRITERS — My favorite online community of writers –is NOW open for membership — but only until January 29th. You can sign up to be a part of this awesome online community… One that I only WISH had been around when I was getting started as a writer!
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You can find the Boy Mom Podcast on all of the podcast platforms…here are just a few of them:
iTunes (now called Apple Podcasts)
Spotify
Or you can listen right here! 😀
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Thanks for reading these show notes! If you found this podcast episode helpful, please share it using social media links below!
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My book, BOY MOM, was released in August of 2019 (Waterbrook Multnomah Publishers) and is full of practical advice and helpful resources for raising boys. It’s a great study for small groups!
Order it here: Boy Mom: What Your Son Needs Most from You
*I am an Amazon Affiliate and some of the products I share will benefit me if you click through and purchase. Thank you so much!!
GIVEAWAY TIME!
Leave a comment below and you’ll be entered to win a copy of Kevin Leman’s, “The Birth Order Book”. I’ll choose winner and announce next Tuesday (The 2nd of February!)
QUESTION: In a few words, how would you describe your Middle Child? Share a joy or challenge if you like! And/or…If you are a Middle (or are married to one!) do you feel like you/your spouse fits the general description of a Middle Child? What do you love/struggle with about being a Middle?
PS: CONGRATS TO JOSIE for winning a copy of The Birth Order Book from last week’s blog post comment!
My middle of 3 boys is awesome. He’s loud and will let you know when he’s not happy. But a few years ago, I realized that maybe that’s a good thing. He’s learning to advocate for what he wants rather than letting himself be unnoticed. He’s a leader! But he also needs to be invited. He’ll sit on the side until someone asks him to join and usually that falls into my oldest son to do. He’s also my snuggler and loves quality time with us. And this busy mom is alway ready to cozy up with him and a good story!
I have been consuming your podcasts lately(new and old) as I read your book. Not sure if it was this episode or another your son was reading a CS Lewis series I hadn’t heard of but love him as an author…can you tell me the name of it? Science something is all I remember and I can’t find him talking about it! Thanks!
Hi Rachel, Oh yes, that might have been an older episode with Jonah…and I’m guessing he referred to the Space Trilogy by CS Lewis.
Hope that helps! Blessings!
thank you so much for this series! i have 3 boys and it helps give guidance to attend to each one’s special needs.
My middle child is completely different from my oldest – in temperament, personality, and how to effectively parent him. He is not a natural pleaser like my first, so parenting has been so much more challenging. I love that he is fearless, he jumps in to try everything without realizing he is younger. He hasn’t quite figured out how to be a role model to his younger brother yet but he’s only 4. He’s an absolute tornado of a kid, but I adore him! So thankful for these tips, and I’ll grab him some new clothes ASAP haha.
Oh my word your list of 7 things they need most was spot on! I was laughing and nodding my head with each item. Our middle is middle by only 30 seconds or so due to being a twin. But dang if he didn’t fit the title to a t! He is a joy (and sometimes a challenge too). Praying over him daily for good friends all his own.
Love this so much, Katy! Thank you! Enjoy those kiddos! 🙂
Thank you Monica! This helps SO much with understanding the needs of my fiery, unique, charismatic, social middle child. I chuckled as many things you said, hit home for us. His personality is definitely different from his older brother and he struggles to be heard at times. So frustrating for him! (and he will make that known :)).
I listened to both oldest & middle child podcasts today and for us – it’s pretty spot on! Thank you for these valuable tips!!
Thank you so much Roxie! Appreciate you listening and so glad you identified with this! 🙂 Big hugs–
Hi. I would like to share three things about our middle child.
1. One blessing is that he has an older brother who he can look up too and learn from. And he has a younger brother who he can teach (he has someone who is looking up to him too).
2. My challenge is that I often times expect certain behavior from him or he should do things better. Then I have to remind myself of his age, and that he is younger than our oldest.
3. Our middle child seems tough from the outside but I realized that he has a very gentle, kind and loving heart.
Oh how much I love my three boys. Every one with their uniqueness. We have such a wonderful Creator.
Thanks for the topic. I have enjoyed the last two podcasts a lot.
Thank you so much, Andrea!! I love you points and I love that you love your boys so much. (I feel the same!) Sounds like you’re doing an amazing job — keep it up! xo
My middle is sweet and go with the flow. He is independent and plays in his own until he wants companionship. We need to.be proactive in making sure he gets 1 on 1 time.
Thank you Laura, — yes to being proactive about that 1 on 1 time! Big hugs!!
I have 3 sons they 16.5, 12.5, and 7 so we have a decent gap between the first two, and then a rather large gap between the second and third. The middle was a “baby” that became a “middle” after 5.5 years and it shows! Life can be a bit tough for him and he often feels it is unfair. He comes after an older brother who is basically a poster child for firstborns. He also struggles terribly with school (he has dyslexia). Then along came the “baby” 5.5 years later, and anything academic/school related comes so easily for, he taught himself to read, do basic arithmetic, etc, and at 7 years old while he has never had any formal schooling he can read as well as his older brother. This is very frustrating to my middle son who has to work so hard at reading, writing, and math.
We try very hard to encourage his strengths and foster his many interests- sports of all kinds, adventure (dirt bikes, snowboarding, etc), forging, and lots of friends and activities (he definitely prefers friends over family, except his older brother). We take him on “solo dates”, and try to spend special time alone with him, but it doesn’t happen as much as it should.
He is compassionate for the most part, but often he takes on the tendencies of a “baby” and is very self-centered, extending very little grace to those who frustrate/annoy him, especially his younger brother. He feels life is very unfair when he is given responsibilities that the “baby” doesn’t have.
So I have a First Born, A Middle-Baby, and then a Baby with some first born tendencies because of the large age gap.
Oh Jessica, I appreciate what you shared so much!! I totally get it– and I’m super impressed with your insight and thoughtfulness. I can tell you’re an intentional and awesome momma! I am so glad we have tools like birth order insight to help us understand them, but your loving presence is the very best. Keep it up! xo
I am a middle child and really appreciated this tropic.😆
My 11 year old middle son is sensitive, relational, imaginative, athletic, competitive, and so curious. Thank you for the great advice!
Thank you Joy! I love hearing from parents who are also middles! God bless you both (all!) hugs!
I always say that my awesome middle child feels everything on an ELEVEN (if the scale is 1-10).
He is either feeling 110% joy and fun or 110% anger and sadness. I love that he squeezes every little bit out of life and is unapologetically honest about where he’s at. Now we just have the not so little task of teaching him how to communicate these big feelings in a way that allows everyone else to feel comfortable. 😂
Hey Sarah– I love this so much. I have enjoyed watching your adorable kids on Insta stories! You are an awesome momma I can tell. Keep it up and God bless you! xo
My middle son has so many of the qualities of the middle child. He is only 4, but very social and loves to make people laugh! He is always putting a smile on my face and I love to spend quality time with him! I am also a middle child, so we are kindred spirits! I teared up when you mentioned in your podcast that middle children are most likely to move away from home- I can totally see him doing that some day! Your tips for helping them succeed were eye opening. I will definitely be giving him the chance to choose dinner sometime… and get him a few new clothes! The hand-me-downs are all around this house! Thanks for your positive message and help raising my boys!❤️
I love this Christina!! Thank you so much for taking time to comment. (and yep, the hand-me-downs are for real, right!? 😂) Big hugs to all of you! xo
My middle child, Elijah, is as fiery as they come. My other middle child, Jonah, is a laid back gentle giant.
Oh fun you also have a middle Jonah! 🙂 (and I love the name Elijah!!) Big hugs to both of them and you, too! xo
I’m loving these episodes on how to best love our kids based on different parts of their personalities. Looking forward to the next!
Hey Tina– So glad you are enjoying the episodes! Glad they offer a bit of insight! Big hugs to you!
I am a middle child. Three daughters. First and last ones were enrolled in private swim course. Somehow they forgot me 😜. I ended up learning it myself when I was old enough to visit public swimming pools with my middle school friends. Same with rising a bike or roller skate. I don’t recall having a parent present like they did with my oldest sister. I remember feeling not belonging and overlooked, despite having loving parents. Now in my mid 40s I still feel out of place. I must add I’ve moved to several countries in my life so feeling homey does not come easy for me.
Oh wow, Sandra, that is so interesting. I’m sorry for the hard parts of birth order that you have experienced. I hope that having more insight can be helpful and you see the blessings (living in many countries is pretty amazing!) of your personality and experience. Big hugs–
I have two middle boys…and it is a good reminder of what I need to focus on with them!!