No Regrets
Just before I went to bed last night, Josiah ran out to get a book he had left in the car…He came in and said, “Hey Mom, you can really hear the waves out there. Wanna come out and hear them”
What I almost said: “No. I’ve heard them like that before. I’m tired.”
(Thankfully,) What I did say: “Yes, I do.”
I wrapped myself in a blanket (because YES–58 degrees last night!) and walked out. We stood on the lanai, Josiah and I, under the stars and very still, as we listened to the rumbling waves. At first it was just a general sound, of waves on top of waves. But we both waited, knowing that Shark’s Cove is right below us, and when the BIG ones come, we would hear that especially loud “Boom!” As we waited, I pulled my boy close. He wasn’t wearing a shirt even, out in the cold, and he isn’t a boy anymore either. I wrapped my blanket around him and he felt big, and strong. Taller than me by inches now, he stood like a man.
As we stood listening to the waves, I blinked back tears. Suddenly the only thought on my mind was “Not much longer.” He’s fourteen now, but how quickly will these next years go? It hurts to think like that.
We heard a few big booms, and I told him I loved him. He smiled that genuine, warm smile of his, (oh some girl will have such a prize in this man one day…) and then we both went off to get some rest. Yet I awoke this morning with only more thoughts…Thoughts of time, and parenting…And the questions, they can mock me: “Have I said enough?” “Have I listened well?” “Do I speak words of encouragement as much as words of criticism?” I sat over my coffee and just gave myself a minute to remember each kid at various ages and stages, and then panic would hit as I thought, “Wait–I can’t imagine Josiah at NINE!” or “What WAS Jonah like as a five-year-old?” I know we moms can be sentimental like that, but I also really truly don’t want to let it slip away. I want to know them all so well….to enjoy them so deeply…that when they are big and grown, I can say with satisfaction “I have given my all, and they are ready. We are all ready.”
I am quick to get irritated with little Levi. I call him rascal, and naughty, and (sometimes it’s so true, but) he is so much more. His teachers adore him, and I’ve never had a complaint from anyone (outside the family :)) about him. He is witty, and charming, and sometimes even sweet. Yet there are times that I find myself wishing him to be bigger. When he tugs on me just a little too much, and I hear the word “MOM” for the 8 gazillionth time in a day, I can wish the moments away.
But yesterday, three times I stooped down and looked in his eyes and just thanked him..for being a good boy at school. For obeying. And I hugged held him and told him that HE IS A BLESSING. And I meant it with every fiber of my being.
I need more of that. The stooping. The speaking life. The taking-the-time to build up, and pour into of each of my boys. Levi may be three, but in the blink of an eye he too will be fourteen, and full of muscles, and standing on the lanai with me listening to waves while I fall apart a little on the inside. Or I hope he will…
Because it is the bonding and building that happens now–at three, and at nine, and at twelve…that will establish the kind of relationship that would make a fourteen year old ask his mom to stand with him and listen to the waves on a cold night.
It isn’t easy guys. As parents, we are busy, and whether we have one or four or twelve of them–young kids seem to never get enough of us. When they’re little, they want ALLOFUS, ALLOFTHETIME, and sometimes the easiest thing to do is to tune out. I’m ashamed to say it, but it’s true. It’s almost like if I can’t give them all of me, then I’d rather just walk away. Fold some laundry. Look at Facebook. Pass the time. Because sometimes the noise and the being pulled on just so much is just….too…much.
But as I sit and type with tears literally streaming down my cheeks, I know so well that there is nothing (NOTHING!) more important, valuable, or worth my time than TUNING in to my children. The three-year-old silly stories…the nine-year old, the twelve year-old, and the fourteen-year-old.
I don’t want to regret a thing.
With much love…
XO
Monica
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Well done momma! Our 7 children are all grown now .(ages 20-30)! I agree with you so much and I don’t have one regret ! I gave my all and I thank the Lord for the strength He gave me to raise them ! The years fly SO fast … enjoy every minute ❤️
Thanks, Monica for reminding me of something I remember, then forget, then remember, then forget. My boys are now almost 17 and 13 and 17 suddenly seems far too big and far to close to leaving home stage and I’m not ready for that! The 12/13 year old boy always wants to play board games at night after a long and busy day when I would rather flop down with a good book, and sometimes I still say no but on the days when I force myself to say yes it’s always cause for lots of fun and laughter and I try to tell myself to say yes more often. Thanks for your wonderful posts that are spot on every time.
Yes, Sheena–We need reminders often, don’t we? There are a few things we never regret as parents–Like a board game (even when you’re not in the mood!) Way to lay it all down–at least sometimes–for the sake of memories and connection! Thank you for sharing, and keep up the good work! (And thanks for encouraging words to me, too!)
WOW, Monica! You had me in tears, too, by the end of your story. I had a similar experience when my younger daughter was 3 years old and we went to our favorite beach resort at the time. It was early night time and while “resting my eyes” the sound of the waves had lulled me to sleep. My husband and daughter, however being wide awake, decided to surprise me and left a note that they were going for a walk. When I awoke I found the note and shortly after they returned. Knowing how much I loved the sound of the waves, they wanted to record them for me “close up”. So they waded in the water under the starlit night with the lights of the condos in the distance and recorded the waves. It turned out that wasn’t the only surprise. When we listened we all heard our daughter’s little giggles and squeals of delight as the cool waves rolled in and touched her little “bottom”. Talk about memories! Just thinking about it still bring tears to my eyes. Thanks for this wonderful post and fantastic images, Monica. I love your writing style. <3
Beautiful pictures always .. Thank you very much Monica that thinking of us even you are on vacation. God bless..
Thank you so much for sharing this! You had tears writing it and I shared those reading it today. Time does go so quickly and it is easy to get lost in the day to day demands and being pulled in every direction. Thank you for the reminder to stop and enjoy.
Thanks for this post. I’m a mom of two boys and have been very emotional the last couple weeks as graduations, first communions, and end of school year activities take place. My 14 year old, now taller than me too. Where has time gone is right?!
Yes. Spot on. This has been me. Not discounting the many many things where I was present, leaned into relationship building, etc… there were ABSOLUTELY times that I was not leaning on Jesus but on half a dozen other things to just “check out.”
No regrets…I don’t want to live life forward in a way that cultivates regret but peace.
To the young Mom I saw in the store yesterday:
Your three were vying for your attention. I prayed for forgiveness if I was misjudging what I was seeing. I know you could have been dealing with an emergency. That would explain why all of your focus was on your phone as you pushed the cart. When your little girl pleaded with you to look up at a dress in the little girls section, I heard her tell you, “Mom, look! You could wear this! This would look good on you!” So sweet! She was “shopping” for you! As the scene caught my attention, I watched. You never looked up. You never acknowledged her. I made note of that to be careful in where I am placing my attention.
This blog really underscores how very important each day is. No shame… no condemnation… Just taking a “balcony” view of what things I want to see included in moments and days to come. I am certain that deep down
in every Mama’s heart, this is true..
Thank you for your post. It is a much needed reminder of how precise boys are. I have two boys at home and my thrid little dude on the way, just days from delivery, when your body is done with pregnancy but you want to cherish the last little bits and days of being pregnant. For me I feel that this is the last of my pregnancy experiences and though I love being pregnant, pregnancy has not agreed with my body as well this time. Also it is the last few days where there are only two little guys in my home and soon to be three. I hope this new addition will not rock their worlds too much, or mine and that we will all transition well as a family. Its been my two little guys at home for four years now and when my second was born my first did not adjust so well. Gosh, time does flys and I agree with you as I look at my oldest as I fold the baby clothes he used to wear, that I have saved and reused over the years, thinking I don’t remember you being so small or what you were like much as a baby. I have been reading your blog for a few months now and you have helped me remember to stop, think, cherish, praise, remember and love them for being in the moment, for who they are and who they are becoming and how we as moms affect all that.
So very good & so very true…thank you for the sweet reminder that is always on my mind & I need to embrace more than I do:)
Big tears. Great reminder. Thanks!
Touchingly brilliant.
These thoughts have been on my heart HUGE recently….I soak my boys up and savor as much as I can, and daily, often to the neglect of other things (like laundry, or finally starting my own blog…and the guilt cycle ensues). We’re blessed with close connections with our children, still, these precious moments seem to pass all the quicker as they age…wishing I could make time stand still, meanwhile, enjoy sharing with moms like you! Btw, made your garlic parm pasta tonight…enthusiastic thumbs up!!
Thank you Stacy–And well done to prioritize the time with kids…(Laundry can wait! ;)) I am so encouraged when I hear things like that!
And SO happy your family enjoyed the pasta!! yay.
I had tears streaming down my cheeks too! Almost as soon as I started reading! Thank you for this! Thank you.
Wow. I am so happy I found you and your beautiful words.
Wow. I am so happy I found you and your beautiful words.
Very insightful. Words we need to read again and again so we can enjoy all the moments-big and little. Thx
As my daughter who has gone to the same Montessori school since she was 3, got onto the bus this AM for the first time for public 7th grade, I reread your entry. Thank you. This was a blessing for me. Such a beautiful perspective.
Thank you so much for this post, Monica. I have tears streaming down my face. My kids are 8 and 6 and although most days start with cuddles and kisses, they quickly spiral into yelling and frustration and by the end of the day, tuning out. This is a good reminder to tune in to my precious ones, as, already, these years are zooming by.
Oh thank you so much Nerissa! Bless your sweet heart. You have lots of time…just enjoy it every single day. 🙂 Much aloha!
I just tear up reading this post. Yeah, they grow up too fast don’t they?
What a beautifully written post, Thank you for sharing!
Monica, how I have felt those same feelings, but could never put into words as well as you do. I have great relationships with my adult children (but always wonder “could I have done better” I’m sure I could have!), and am now working on having great relationships with my grandchildren. I will remember these words and act on them and tell them they are blessings and think of you! Thanks for sharing.
The tears are streaming down my face Monica. Axel just turned 9 last month. One of our friends told us it’s a “milestone.” I didn’t understand. It’s because he’s half way to 18. Motherhood is so painfully bitterSWEET. We’re all in this together & your writing is a reminder of that. I have had the flu & both our kids have been extremely loving concerned sweet & kind to me showering me with love, how BLESSED are we! (Even the dogs were extra sweet!) Every cloud has a silver lining. I love that expression. Be well.
This was seven different kinds of beautiful, Monica. *sniff* Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and hopes and worries and dreams (in both this and other posts).
I appreciate and love this post so, so much.
What a beautiful post. While I don’t have kids yet, these will all be good reminders to be the best parent I can be when the time comes.
Well, tears fell down my face too!
Thanks for the reminder:)
LOVE this post. So easy to forget to slow down and enjoy each moment as they should be enjoyed. I could listen to the waves in Hawaii forever. Such an amazing sound.
This is so, so true. Sometimes I’m rushing through my day trying to get everything done and missing out on those moments with my daughter, my family, or my friends that I will never get back. I need to stop and remember that if the house is dirty, if I don’t get everything done in the day, it won’t matter. What matters are the memories we make. Thank you for this post.
Yes, definitely brought tears to my eyes. I have a 14 year old right now (child number 3 of 4). The time doesn’t just slip away…it flies swiftly away. Makes the heart ache so.
So beautifully written my friend!! It is so true and I am so thankful that you took the time to post this. We all need that reminder…me especially. There are so many things/people pulling at us for our time. Now I am going to stop everything and go cuddle on the couch with Michael….
XOXO
You speak for so many of us with your wonderful insight into motherhood, Monica. Even old has-been moms like me are touched afresh. There is no higher calling than pouring ourselves into our kids. Thank you!
Beau.ti.ful.
You have nothing to regret. You and Dave have poured yourself into these boys – and it shows well.
Love your heart here, my friend.
Beautifully said Monica! You are so genuine and your feelings ring true for me. My son Jake is almost 14 and your post brought tears to my eyes. My son is growing up into a young man and you helped remind me to cherish EVERY moment with him. Thank you for sharing!!
Blessings to you and your family!
Darlene
Wow. I too, have a 3 year old Levi (and it sounds like he’s a lot like your Levi!) and I was having one of those “if I hear the words ‘mom, look’ one more time…” moments when I decided to tune out for a bit and check my RSS feed. I’m so glad I did, because I read this post. Thank you.
Thank you for the powerful post- and for honoring the blessings and challenges of motherhood. And, rest assured, it is enough. You are getting it right…
This post really touched my heart. The way your family embraces love and life in Hawaii is so inspirational to me! Thanks so much for sharing.
Wow! I just want to go back and have a redo! I tell young parents all the time to enjoy them, as time goes by so fast. I hope they believe me. Having grandchildren is the reward we get for time lost the first go round. I just pray everyone knows how much we’ll always love them.
Oh man…you got me too. What a precious privilege it is to raise children. Thank you for sharing your heart and giving this reminder to take it all in.
Blessings xoxo
Wow. Perfectly said. Perfect timing. Thank you. (Keep sending pictures of htose crazy waves too!)
xoxo
I felt your heart on this!
love love love!
I need to read this one everyday! Thank you!
That was good Monica. We are trying to get there with the girls, but it is a work in progress. We are learning.
Kendall. You are my heroes. Every single thing you do for those girls is sacrificially loving. Be encouraged!
so very sweet
I love this post!!!! I can SO relate! My oldest boy is 14 too. So close to manhood. And it’s so easy to allow distractions to take away from those special moments. Thanks for writing this great reminder to enjoy every moment we get to spend with our kids.
Monica, I was just looking for pretty pictures of big waves and am now all choked up (and as you know, I don’t even HAVE kids!) This is an amazingly beautiful piece – and should be mandatory reading for parents!
Wow Susan, those are some kinds words! Funny because I was thinking of all of my readers who don’t have kids and hoping it had some relevance for everyone. (Of course I know it does, but I’m just glad to hear it touched you. Big aloha to you 😉
Oh wow, I needed this today. No regrets.. There are some days when the “regrets” feel all consuming.. Sigh…I constantly remind myself that I was “gifted” my children.. And I am the lucky one gets to raise them and love them.. Thanks for that reminder… 😉
Yup you got me! BIG tears dripping on my keyboard too!!! People always say it goes too fast but you really can’t grasp it. It DOES go by too fast!!! Happy weekend to you as well.
Thank you for this post. I needed this after the chaos we had in our house last night. 🙂 I have 14 and 12-year-old sons, as well, and a 4-year-old son. I also have 9 and 6 year-old girls, so I can relate to all of this. I need to read this again and again to be reminded of these important things. Our children will be out of the house before we know it. 🙁