I am returning to a summer tradition of sharing some favorite blog posts from the past; These are posts that have been in my archives for at least two years.
Since tomorrow is Fathers’ Day I thought I would start with this letter I wrote to my husband over four years ago. (It’s kind of funny for me to read now, honestly, especially as I realize that we are already in a very different season than we were when I wrote it.) But, whatever season you are in, I thought perhaps it would inspire a few of you to express your gratitude to your husband as well. Have a wonderful Fathers’ Day weekend!
I’ll try to keep this short and sweet because it’s going on the internet and I already know how that will make you squirm. But I have a feeling this might be for more than just you and me, so I think you’ll understand…
There are just a few things that I’ve been wanting to tell you.
First of all, I love you. Sometimes in this busy season, I forget to stop and tell you how very glad I am that I have you.
I mean, I think we agree that our marriage is strong. It’s not perfect, but overall, we are happy together. We used to work a lot on our marriage in the early days, but we hardly have time for that now. And considering the season we are in, I think we’re holding it all together pretty well.
But there’s no denying: The kids? They’re the biggest part of US right now. And whether we’re running them here and there, or talking about their grades or moods or sports or attitudes, we are pretty focused on them. All of the time.
And you know how much I work on being a better mom — and then, reading and writing about parenting, and pouring a lot of time and attention into everything related. You get that I feel a lot of pressure to raise our boys well and enjoy the short years we have with them, and you are so good at doing this right along side me.
You see me bite my tongue and take deep breaths as I try to give our kids my best. I dig for those last drops of patience from the depth of my soul as I give them five more minutes or two more stories or one more chance…and you know it’s all because I love them and I want so badly to get this parenting thing right. So you listen as I share my dreams and concerns…and together we pray and we strategize on ways to steer this one, support that one…
And then…after all of that, you actually want to talk about things going on with ME…My interests and passions. You genuinely care about what I’m doing and writing and how I’m feeling and you make me feel like my stuff is extremely important.
But then you.
Well, I guess it’s occurring to me lately that there’s not much focus on you at all. In fact, I don’t get the feeling you even want more focus. I hardly ask you questions, and when I do (oh man I’m feeling selfish!) I am content with your short and sweet answers.
Yep…it’s all about the kids, and after that? I take what’s left.
And at the end of the day, YOU…often get the worst of me. You get my worn-out, unfiltered self. You get the leftover, help-yourself, I’m tired, it’s been a long day — me.
You get the me that already gave the best of myself to the kids all day.
So what I really want to say is…Thank you. Thank you for knowing my heart even through all of that.
Thank you for not fighting back when I say mean things to you because it’s after 10:00 and I’m exhausted. And then thank you that five minutes after I say mean things, you’re still willing to laugh at a funny meme or chit-chat about the news because you knew that I didn’t really mean that mean stuff, I’m just a tired mom and it’s after ten and you get that.
Thank you for loving me, even when I’m ugly and worn out and not at all put-together. When I take off my makeup, put on my old PJ’s, and don’t even notice how scary my hair looks. I just love that I can be 100% myself with you.
Thank you for letting me sometimes be stressed, and not trying to fix it. For letting me stay up too late on the computer and not questioning my use of time. You give me so much grace and I think I could offer a lot more back to you.
For all of the times I make really boring dinners or no dinner at all, and you just accept me and our life and then grab takeout because we’re in this together and I feel no expectation from you to be perfect. Thank you.
Thank you for overlooking my flaws, even when I’m quick to point out yours. None of us are perfect, but I’m pretty good at acting like I am. And you? Your good at letting me believe it.
Thank you too, for rolling with my emotions. You get excited about the things that excite me, and you get mad when I’m mad. Now that I think about it– that’s really Biblical love. (Romans 12:15) In fact, when we recently read 1 Corinthians 13, I realized that those love verses actually describe you. (I was thinking it then, why didn’t I just say it?)
Sometime over the last twenty years (can you believe April will be 20 years?!) I’ve become very secure in our marriage, and very comfortable with you. And I love that. But I also know that I too easily take you for granted. Take us for granted. And I don’t want to do that.
I don’t want you to get my ugly, or my mean, or my leftovers. I want to give you my pretty, my kind, my best. I want to point out your amazing qualities more than any small negatives. I want you to know that I need you every single day, and that your quiet presence in this home and in my heart?…
Is actually everything to me.
and a lifetime debt of gratitude…
Now to my readers: Thank you for letting me share this more personal note with you here. This letter may or may not represent your own heart for your husband right now. If it does, you are welcome to print it out and give it to him, signed with your name! If it doesn’t, maybe you can use this as a springboard, and write a note from your own heart to your man! Whether you’re in a good season or a tough one, there are always some positive qualities you can focus on to encourage and show gratitude to your husband. (If you are currently single, then consider this an inspiration to pen some kind thoughts to anyone in your life who you are grateful for! )
If this little note encouraged or blessed you, would you consider using the social media buttons to share it with your friends? I’d love to hear about love letters being passed inside homes all across the world!
I welcome you to comment below as well, sharing something you love or appreciate about your husband! I asked for some husband-adjectives earlier on my Facebook page and was completely blessed by all of the awesome words women had to describe their guys. You can’t say too much good about your man.
PS A book Dave and I both recommend: Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs (amazon affiliate link.)
PPS More marriage posts from my archives: This one for help with our attitudes in marriage. And this one on building bridges when there’s some distance in marriage. Oh–and for your entertainment, an older one: Dave and I on video talking about marriage!
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