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14 Comments

  1. Great post!! I learned the had way about friends… in college. I was a “good girl” in HS and did so well but when I went off to college, I did not always make the right choice in friends and it took me down a long miserable path for awhile before seeing the light. That is one thing I want Brock to learn young and I pray that it sticks with him…

  2. Urban Wife says:

    Gosh, this is such a great post! I don’t really anything of my own to add since we are new parents but I can recall my teen years and nod my head in agreement with you about everything. Right now, a lot of these things seem so far away but they will be here before we know it. I love reading good, Godly advice – thank you!

  3. Great advice, and many of the recommendations you’ve made, my husband and I already have done. We are raising three boys in a rural, somewhat isolated setting, but my two oldest are in a large elementary in the district where I teach. Our middle boy, 8, is great with friends, school, etc. Our oldest, 9, struggles desperately with bullying, lack of quality friends, and losing childhood friends mostly because our son doesn’t like to play organized sports. He is extremely bright and one “friend” in particular has verbally chastised our son for being so smart. Another “friend” is constantly in trouble and had tried to get our son to draw pictures of naked women! Thankfully, our boy also literally ran from the situation and let the after-school program teacher know immediately! There seems to be a void of possible quality friends for my oldest son at this particular school. He is constantly judged, bullied, and/or left out of activities. I have offered to transfer him to a different school (our district has 19 elementary campuses), but he vehemently refused, stating that at least at this school, even if he’s alone, he sees familiar faces. As a teacher at the middle/jr high level, I see daily what is likely to become of my son if my husband and I do nothing. I have contacted teachers, administrators, and individual parents to deal with bullying, but I worry about just general day-to-day good friendships for our boy. No pressure, but…any advice???

    1. Samantha–
      Oh my heart goes out to you! It sounds like you are doing all of the right things–especially by being in tune with your sons heart and feelings and working together with your husband.
      If homeschooling were an option, it sounds like it might be a good option, but if not–then I say keep on doing what you are doing. Talk often, pray often, and it will probably all work out and only make him stronger in the long run. I hear from so many who have been through these things in their younger years, and they actually develop so much character through it all. It’s just painful in the meantime!!
      I”ll keep you in my prayers!
      Thanks so much for commenting–this is an important conversation we all need!
      aloha
      PS Big high fives to your son for RUNNING. THAT makes me smile!! I love him already!

  4. Gulp…..THIS was needed. My oldest son just turned 11 and I feel like I’m losing him a little bit to his friends….wanting to leave home earlier to walk to school with them and taking what seems like forever to get home because he wants to walk with them. Feeling like we’re on the wrong side of the tracks in regards to neighborhood friends. We strive to be that house that’s fun and safe and where our boys want to bring their friends, but it’s still so scary at times!
    Talk about handing it over every day to the Lord!
    Thanks for the encouragement and suggestions.

    1. Thank you SO much Carly–I’m glad this spoke to you. Sounds like you are very aware of everything–which means you’ll navigate well as you go. God will provide!
      I appreciate you sharing! aloha

  5. “We’re called to be their parents, not their friends.” Great! Loved this post.

  6. Thanks Monica! I needed this today ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. This is soooo good! I love your wisdom filled posts. This is a big area of my life where I need to trust God and trust my gut. I totally agree with the friend vs parent idea. Some of my closest friends and mentors are those that spoke truth to me, annoyed the heck out of me and kept me accountable when I was a teen. I’m so thankful that they were honest and filled with wisdom and I have thanked them again and again.

    1. Thank you Danielle. SO TRUE!! And also a good reminder to you to hold on tight to the simpler younger years–because those teens hit quick and hard!!! ๐Ÿ™‚ XO

  8. I think that many adults also have the struggles of finding good friends and keeping them. Sometimes it’s hard to really know who has your best interest at heart, and who is just a fair weather friend.

    1. Very good point Kristi. I guess we never quit needing wisdom! ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks.

  9. Gracedyck says:

    Great post! Friends are a huge influence on kids. I like your recommendation for having a house the kids want to come to. I never considered that factor.

  10. Jennifer Webster says:

    Monica, this was great. I, like you, have a four boy home and am dealing with the same issues. Your boys are very blessed to have you and Dave as parents.