Anger in Parenting, and TRIGGERS: The Book I Wish I had Ten Years Ago
Anger in parenting is a topic that I love/hate to talk about.
I love it because I believe with all of my heart that talking about this sort of thing is important. As moms, we need each other. We need to know we’re not alone We need support, and we desperately need encouragement.
I hate it because it brings up a part of my parenting life that I’m ashamed of. It’s uncomfortable to talk about these things.
You see, I never thought of myself as an angry person before. I have always been a cheerful, glass-half-full type. I roll with things pretty well.
But nothing will reveal your hidden character flaws like having kids, right?
By the time my third son was born, I was confronted with a side of myself that I did not like: Anger. You see at that point I was exhausted. Lonely. Frustrated. overwhelmed. And exhausted. (wait, did I mention exhausted?) It’s true, my husband was working crazy long shifts as part of his medical residency program, and I was trying to do most of the parenting on my own. Granted, I very likely would have struggled no matter what his hours were, (I’m not blaming his schedule) but I was definitely pushed to my limit and lacking resources. (We had moved to Hawaii for the residency program, far from family and all of my familiar support.)
Anger would come up out of the blue sometimes. Or it would fester and then boil over. I was so disappointed with myself, and I did everything I could to get rid of it. I read books, and sought out resources, but nothing quite “hit the spot” to offer me the practical help I was searching for.
One of the hardest things for me was how alone I felt in my anger. I convinced myself that I was unique in this…that there was something wrong with me.
I know now how wrong I was. Anger in parenting is a very common problem. In fact, most women I talk to have struggled (and like me — shocked themselves with) this thing of anger in parenting. And most women feel like they’re the only one.
Well, years have gone by and thankfully things did get better as I worked hard and prayed even harder. My boys are older now, and I have a lot more support and breathing room. I’ve figured out some of my personal anger triggers, and I have become wiser in dealing with them. I wrote a post about this subject a couple of years ago that has swept the internet many times, and the comments I have received further confirm that I am not alone. 🙂
Two of my dear friends began a Facebook group called NO MORE ANGRY MOB (associated with the MOB (Mother of Boys) Society.) Wendy Speake and Amber Lia pour out such encouragement and inspiration through that Facebook group, that in a short time it grew to over 11,000 women strong. I have thought so many times how BLESSED I would have been if that were available ten years ago.
And even better…
Amber and Wendy got together, and wrote the book that I have wished for…
And it’s available starting TODAY!
^^ Click on graphic if you want to go straight to book page to purchase. ^^
Can I just say THEY NAILED IT!
First of all, I love how Triggers is laid out. It is divided into two sections:
The first is focused on EXTERNAL TRIGGERS. These are specific categories of kids’ behavior or any other outside force that might trigger our anger as parents. This includes everything from sibling rivalry, to disobedience, to video game addiction, ADHD, and much more.
The second section looks at INTERNAL TRIGGERS. These are the things inside of us as parents that can also trigger our anger. Things like exhaustion, running late, going it alone, and more. (Even challenging relationships with in-laws).
The chapters are short, but filled with the compassionate support of a dear friend sitting across the table. As Amber and Wendy share their heart, you know that you are not being judged, and you are definitely not alone. Transparent and compassionate, these two walk with you through each “trigger” and then offer practical help, Scripture, and a prayer.
You can use this book by topic–turning to whatever TRIGGER you might be facing that day.
Or you can use this book as a daily read–one for every day of the month! I love reading it daily because it equips you for whenever those triggers might show up. (I call this being “proactive against mommy anger”.)
I encourage you to buy this book today. And don’t just buy one — buy a few for your friends! I can’t think of anyone who wouldn’t appreciate and benefit from Triggers.
CLICK HERE TO GET TO BOOK PAGE TO BUY TRIGGERS NOW
A few final testimonials…
“I’m an author and a speaker. I write blogs and books on parenting topics, and I know how to give good advice. I’m also a mom of 10 children, and there have been many times I’ve thought, “I’m so glad my audience didn’t just see me/hear that!” There are times my patience impresses even myself, but there are also times when my voice raises, my emotions flair, and I’m too loud, too firm, too out of control. I hurt my children. I also poorly reflect my Heavenly Father. Triggers is a book for every mom, but especially for me. The book looks beyond the outward displays to the heart of the matter. I was inspired and encouraged by this book! It’s a must-read for every mom who struggles with anger…which means all of us!”
— TRICIA GOYER, USA Today best-selling author of 50 books, including Balanced: Finding Center as A Work-at-Home Mom
“Triggers reminded me that children misbehave—but I don’t have to. It’s my choice in how I respond as I give myself to the guidance of the Holy Spirit.”
— SHONDA K., Washington
“Had you told me years ago that one of my biggest struggles as a mom would be dealing with anger, I would never have believed you. This book first helped me come to the realization that I have triggers for that anger. More importantly, I have been encouraged and challenged by the practical, biblical tools given.
— JANA H., Hungary
Please spread the word to your friends by using social media buttons below to pass this post along!
Do you know your biggest #triggers in parenting? I’d love to hear from you. Be encouraged as you parent well today!
NEW NEWS! August 16th, 2016 After much demand, a STUDY GUIDE is now available to go with the TRIGGERS book!
This will be so good! Hope you’ll check it out HERE! 🙂
**I am an affiliate with the Triggers book which means if you click through MY links and purchase, they will share a percentage of the purchase price with me (nice, right!?) The price is the same for you! 🙂 I would never recommend a book I didn’t 100% love!
One of my most shameful memories is totally losing my cool with my (now ex) stepdaughter because she wouldn’t share her sweets with my daughter, who idolized her and always shared everything. I understand now much of my frustration with her really came from my poor relationship with her father. Sounds like a super awesome book and something I would have appreciated and valued back then before the kids left home. Wishing them much success!
oh we all have our (shame) stories, don’t we?…I recently brought up one of my personal “lows” to my son and he couldn’t even remember it. I was so thankful. But funny how I won’t ever forget it. Thanks so much for commenting. blessings to you–
Good morning Monica,
This email comes again from Wellington/West Palm Beach Florida I wanted to respond to your email about eight things teenagers will appreciate. That was so good I printed it out because our church was starting a new class for parents of teenagers and now this one hits home so much with me I feel like I pray daily for the Lord to give me the ability to overcome these triggers of anger, frustration etc. I feel I am getting a handle on it because the spirit put on my heart to go through the fruits . Monica thank you so much for what you do through this communication to those who are parents you’re amazing. Can’t wait to meet you.🌷🙋
Thank you Kerri! That means a lot to me. Hang in there and keep pressing on. Change does happen and you will see it and appreciate it as it happens! Keep it up! Bless you as well!!
Hi Monica! This is Alessia. Remember me? I already wrote you an e mail here in your blog trying g to catch up. Anyway , I am so glad I read this today! This is exactly what I needed as right now , with my two wonderful toddler boys I feel so exhausted and angry and.. On the edge.. And alone..( and exhausted again!) all the time.. We moved to San Diego and my husban is gone days and nights in a carrier. And if course I have no family nearby. I am home with my boys ( which is something I always wanted and I feel blessed for ) but I struggle arriving at the end of the days without getting so frustrated and upset .. And of course raising my voice .I am the angriest with the two people I love the most in the world! I am so sad and ashamed! I keep thinking ” where does this anger come from?” ” why am I always so angry?” I will buy the book today. Thanks . Ciao
What do you do when yelling has become a habit? My trigger..not being respected & having your child argue with you no matter what you say..Yelling for years has gotten me no where. I’ve tried talking, asking, reasoning, pleading, begging, screaming, yelling, & insulting, nothing has ever worked.. I blame the fact that my husband disrespected me our whole marriage that my children have, do & always will..no hope..
I’m so sorry Bea, I understand that hopeful feeling. But there really is hope! I encourage you to buy the book and give it a read, I truly believe you will find a lot of hope there!
The best advice I can give is to really commit to quit yelling, and make that your personal goal. Then work out the best fitting consequences for behaviors that are unacceptable. A swift consequence that is not fun for a child will be more effective than yelling (or anything else you named) every time. It’s what I really work on though it truly is challenging! Get the book!! 🙂 XOXOX
I would suggest free yourself from disrespecting husband. I became calm and less yelling as a mom and fun again once my abusive spouse and I separated. I rediscovered my loving, less miserable and no yelling self again. And felt more respected by children when he wasn’t around.
Ahh… my on-going downfall. Not only do I lose my cool more often than I’d care to admit, but I really beat myself up over it. It’s not good for anyone.
I do try to use some strategies. First of all, I try to speak less. I remind myself of all of the ways I am a wonderful parent ( A big thanks to my awesome husband who suggested I try this when I fixate on the fact that I yelled, AGAIN…). I apologize-often and sincerely. I try to speak the truth of who I believe my children truly are and the qualities I know will grow in them ( Thanks, Monica!)
Here’s a strategy that a friend of mine who is a retired teacher and family counselor suggested: When you want to yell, sing the message instead. Weird, but it keeps things calm. It also works to replace yelling with whispering-an old classroom management technique!
Honestly, our tense times come when we are all spread thin. We are an on- the -go family, but when fuses are short I know it is time to be the grown-up and make some room for downtime. Nobody is going to suffer from a missed gymnastics lesson or lack of playdates on a given weekend.
Adding this book to my reading list!
Love it Shannon-thank you! I’m wondering how I might do at singing the message…haha, It’s definitely worth a try! I’d like to believe I have enough strength to do it even when I’m mad!!
You’re right…spread too thin…so true. And funny how a missed class or playdate (or being ten minutes late…again) can FEEL like end of the world when really it is so no big deal when you’re thinking straight!! aloha to you, and always love to hear your perspective! xo
Mostly the singing just makes us laugh- which works wonders for us all!
Ugh. This hit me square in between the eyes. I was one of those people pre-kids who said I could never get angry or much less yell at my kids. Yet I’ve been there more than I’d like to admit, just a mere 3 years into parenting. I’ve also been quick to say something along the line of how “my toddler really knows how to push my buttons” and place the blame on him. Yet I fail to see the root of my own heart issues as being the thing responsible for my anger. Thank you for sharing about this book – I’m off to buy it right now. xo
Oh you are so not alone. I’m glad you’re getting the book now–You’ll find it so helpful in the years to come. Be blessed and be encouraged–you’re doing an amazing Job I know!! XOXO