The Good and the Better During the Holidays
Hey Guys…Welcome to the final days weeks before Christmas. (Did that just make your blood pressure rise?)
Let’s start off with a quick quiz: Nod your head if any of these would be TRUE for you:
1. You have woken up in the middle of the night at least once this month in a panic attack over all that you still need to get done before Christmas.
2. You have snapped at your kids (or husband, or dog,) for something you normally wouldn’t because of your holiday stress.
3. You have had fantasies of flying far far away and trading in your traditional Christmas for a week alone on a deserted island.
If any of these are true for you then...You’re in good company.
I’m so with you.
Last week I shared a little story about Levi and some gift boxes. To me that story represented my tendency during the holidays (and let’s be honest, all of the days) to focus on tasks and to-do lists and to forget to enjoy the incredible blessings right in front of my eyes.
Well, every year I start December off strong–vowing to be more intentional, to make it a more meaningful holiday. I promise myself that I will slow down. I will go lighter on the stuff and go heavier on the memories. I want to focus on the story of Christmas, and point my kids to the same.
And every year I end December with some amount of regret or frustration over how hectic is has been, or how I lost perspective way too much.
And yes…there is grace.
Because there is nothing wrong with doing good things and working hard to create beauty and blessings for those that we love.
But if you’re like me, you find that the doing of the things can easily slip into a stress and a strain and a striving that can absolutely rob us of our joy.
And the sad and unfair thing about this stress is that it comes from such a pure and loving place, right? I don’t think many of us are battling demons of selfishness or evil intent.
Most of us just want to do good things!
So many good things.
This time of year, there are unending good things: The cards and the gifts, the parades and performances. The support-a-family, and the really good charities. We are determined to get through every day of the advent story…and bake those cookies (with the help of little messy hands, if you’re really good.) Then there is the wrapping, and the cooking, and the parties and family gatherings…
Every single bit of it is good. And everything will take as much of us as we will give it.
And then we find ourselves overwhelmed, stressed, and yes–waking up at three in the morning freaking out about everything we still need to do.
So friends, let’s just face it. We cannot do it all.
Please repeat after me: We cannot do it all.
We have to make some choices about what we will and will not do.
And here’s what I’m learning:
Our choices are often not so much between good things and bad things, but instead between the GOOD and the BETTER.
Each day we face decisions about how to spend our time and energy–some choices are intentional, but many are more of a subconscious repeat of a well-worn habit.
But what if we could slow down enough to recognize the choices that we are making. What if we saw that in the middle of all of the “goods” that clamor for our attention, there are often some quieter, less demanding “betters”…waiting to be discovered. Chosen. Unwrapped.
What I’m learning as I practice this “good” and “better” criteria is that it frees me up to say No to some really good things, that just aren’t the Best at that time…Things that I once would have felt to guilty to say No to:
This last week I said no to a preschool Christmas program to say Yes to less stress (Levi really didn’t want to do it.) I said No to our monthly food distribution to say Yes to a visit to Santa. (so unspiritual–but so great.) I’ve said No to a party to say Yes to time with my husband, and I’ve said No to time with my family to say Yes to some much needed Me-time. This season a lot of my No’s have been to my phone and computer. Each day my Yes’s and No’s look a little different, but I’m trying to be intentional about each one.
Because one thing I know is that if I do not intentionally choose how to spend my moments, the choice will be made for me. And the urgent will always win.
Just because one kid is louder, or one friend is needier, or the dryer just buzzed, or an email just came through…
I still get to choose.
And no–There is no set rule for what makes something good and something else better, only a mindfulness to see that indeed: We have options.
We might say no to a pile of laundry, to say yes to a child and a book.
We might say no to making the Pinterest perfect pie, to say yes to visiting an old friend.
We might say no to a pile of dishes in the sink to say yes to hanging out laughing with your teenager.
We might say no to one more social event to say yes to more sleep.
It may not be the same twice but let’s always keep in mind: We can choose.
Here’s to a great week month, and and all kinds of good and better things. Choose well, my friends! 🙂
In the comments below, I’d love it if you would share some of the “goods” and “betters”in your life this season. Also, feel free to tell me how you did on the quiz, and any other random Christmas nugget you would like to share!
And as always–If you found this encouraging or helpful, please use the Share buttons below to Pin or share to social media! 🙂
With Aloha,
Monica
Dear Monica,
I am on the same journey as you. I found during the holidays I would feel a huge amount of stress and anxiety over all of the stuff I needed to do. This year, I took a step back and decided the stuff would have to wait. As you may recall, I am a kindergarten teacher at a Christian school, I have 19 kiddos and they need me along with their parents. I am also the mother of a wonderful son. I was missing the meaning of what Christmas was for me. I needed God to speak to me and I responded. This year I chose to relax, stop trying to impress friends who are not worth it, live for every moment, and celebrate the little things. I am not buying my extended family presents, this year I opted for money instead, they won’t like it but I won’t need to shop. For my family, my husband and I are celebrating our 25th Wedding Anniversary. He is my soul gift. My son will get the three things he asked for, and me? I’ll get to curl up to me husband and middle schooler to enjoy some Polar Express and hot chocolate. Now that’s simple,meaningful, and needed. May you have a Merry Christmas Minica. Thank you for bringing a little North Shore to my Missouri home.
Thank you Sara,
Absolutely beautiful and on-target! Love your story, thank you for inspiring me and others. 😉
Aloha to you and Mele Kalikimaka!
Enjoying your, once again, insightful angle: choosing between good and better; to add my own little perspective for Advent, I often ask myself: Is this (activity, moment, decision, request) leading me closer or further from Jesus. Just thought I’d share the perspective to help others be in tune with the reason for the busy season! Thanks, Grommom!
absolutely well said!! Thank you Kris! Aloha and Mele Kalikimaka!
This year we said no to baking for neighbors ( a yearly event) and sent over a plant and card instead. But, I said yes to handwritten notes on our holiday cards. We are saying no to ornaments on the tree as our recently adopted dog adjusts. I will keep thinking about good and better. Thanks!
Great examples!! Thank you Shannon! Mele Kalikimaka! 🙂
I learn the better choice my husband and I made this year was to plan a late January vacation as our Christmas gift to our kids and skip the shopping for items on a list. They will still be surprised and pleased on Christmas morning and I will not be stressed. We also opted out of extended family giving and instead give small tokens (homemade treats) with notes about donations made in the family name chosen by our kids.
There are so many great and fun things to do during this season! But if I try to jam them all in it gets nuts. And mama gets grinchy. So we had a family pow wow and I asked the kids what their favorite traditions were. They named about three things they remembered from past years so that’s what I think mattered most. We are sticking to those things and letting the rest slide. I’m already feeling less anxious. 1. Birthday cake for Jesus for breakfast Christmas morning. 2. PoP popcorn and wear pjs while driving around looking at lights. 3. Decorate for Christmas and watch polar express that night. I also realized they don’t care much for making the cookies only decorating them. So I did ready made dough, cut them myself and baked and set up a decorating table. Perfect for us!
Brilliant! Love it all Paige! So wise to narrow it down to the favorites– I think I’ll do that here too! 🙂 Thank you.
Monica ~ This so reminds me of days gone by. Our grandchildren are all adults, and our great grandchildren the ages of yours. I so remember trying to search for the better with four little ones, working, and being a Pastor’s wife…but learning to say NO to the right things is so very important. I hope all the young women who read your blog will take this to heart. It’s OK to say NO so that you be the best to your family and yourself.]
Love reading the life of a young mom who loves her family and her Lord. Merry Christmas.
Thank you so much Wanda…Your words are so encouraging! I hope you’ve had a very Merry Christmas as well! Aloha
Ok, 2 of the 3 quiz items apply to me.
Some betters on my part…
We chose to wrap gifts for my nieces and nephews in one package per child, instead of each item separately. Not as pretty, but time to have tea and a chat with my husband.
I felt the need to reciprocate some playdates that are hard to have while we both work. Instead of cleaning my house before and after the playdate, we decided to use a gift card I received to a local bowling alley and allow each of my guys to invite 3 friends bowling. We will pick up and drop off, but won’t have to clean!
I skipped a dinner at my parents’ to attend a small gathering for a friend’s birthday! I enjoyed every moment and felt blessed that my husband and boys had fun with the family while I enjoyed time away.
We were scheduled to see the zoo lights downtown tonight. Instead of going out in the rain, we are having a game night and eating homemade chicken soup with reindeer shaped noodles. The lights will be there next year and we are warm and dry!
Shannon–You did it again! Nailed every single one! Love your examples! Thank you for sharing. Keep it up and you’ll have the very best Holiday season!
Aloha–xo
I sooo love your blog and this post. I have surprisingly stuck to my “less” Christmas this year. I let go of the Christmas card family picture and the ordering, addressing and mailing 100 cards. I limited the amount of money we spent on the kids (and stuck to it) this year. I said no to Christmas baking but yes to opening my home to friends a couple of times. It’s been a nice balance and a season where our focus is on Christ (along with crazy excitement about Christmas). The funny thing is that I almost “feel” like I am doing something wrong because everyone is so “overwhelmed and busy”. Thank you for the reminder of choosing the best!
If only you would have written this three weeks ago!
Thanks for this post! I need to remember this “good ” “better” choice all through the year. I have a habit of stressing and rushing-and then ultimately forgetting something or getting rebellion back from my kids. We have been more intentional this year about observing the reason for the season and it has helped. I still have cookies, brunch and Christmas dinner to make but if I focus on the Reason it’ll be great!
You are right. There are so many choices between good things and best things. It’s tough. We had a very stressful beginning to the month losing my grandmother in a house fire. It actually made it a lot easier to just start marking things off the list. Every event comes with something I have to do or make. I just couldn’t handle it this year and my perspective on what’s important became very clear. I just ran lines through a lot and let it go in favor of staying home and hanging out with my guys or drinking coffee and looking at the Christmas tree. I asked my boys what was the one thing they love the most we do during Christmas and we only committed to those two things. They chose going out to see Christmas lights in their pjs and eating birthday cake Christmas morning for Jesus birthday. Everything else was let go. It has been very freeing and way more relaxing.
Monica I hope you and your guys have a wonderful Christmas this week. Thanks for sharing your heart!
Paige–First of all, I am so sorry for such a tragedy with your grandmother. I cannot even imagine how terrible that must be. 🙁
But indeed–these things always give us the clearest perspective and I am so glad that you’ve been freed up to be intentional and enjoying your family. God bless you and I hope that Christmas turns out to be wonderful. 🙂