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14 Comments

  1. We can raise them to be the perfect gentlemen and try to instill in them every moral and value there is unfortunately there are girls who will seek that out as a weakness and flaw . I raised my son in what I felt was the same same as you described and because he had such limited exposure to girls that he didn’t realize that not everyone is as honest and moral. A manipulative girl took those traits I was proud of installing in him and used them to her advantage. Taking but never giving in return. He is too kind hearted to see what she is and only wants to see the good, even though the bad times with her far outweigh the good.

    1. Maryanne, I’m so sorry. That is awful, and it must hurt you so bad. Is there still open doors for you to talk with your son about things? I suppose all you can do is pray that God will open his eyes to see the truth of things, and it will work itself out (assuming they are not married…) Thanks for commenting.

  2. Sunshine S. says:

    I grew up in a family who was pretty much at the opposite end of the spectrum from courting, but I knew I wanted different results! And that I wanted God in control of my love life to ensure that. After lots and lots of prayer and lots of reading, I decided in college that I wanted to pursue a version of courtship rather than dating. What that meant was casual friendships with guys and lots of group activities, while holding out for what I call “intentional, purposeful dating.” The result was lots of fun, stress-free activities with mixed groups of guy/girl friends and lots of good memories without the intensity and heartache I saw friends go through who pursued the traditional dating route.

    What that also meant was that when my now-husband (who had been a good friend for many years) first asked to date me in college, I prayed about it (God said no) and turned him down. πŸ™‚ Our friendship allowed me to know his heart well enough to know this was a casual request, not a purposeful one. We continued with our friendship, while God did amazing maturity things in both our hearts over the next six months. When he asked again after those six months–with the stated intention that this was intentional and purposeful and targeted toward potential (and likely) marriage–God said yes. It was absolutely the best love story I could have imagined. We avoided SOOOOO much baggage by waiting! A year later we were married, and 17 years later we are still very happy!

    We are praying through how to approach the dating years with our two boys. While we don’t want to be legalistic and want to take into account each boy’s personality and God’s leading, we do know we want to instill that “purposeful, intentional” philosophy into them and encourage them to explore the fun of friendships rather than jumping immediately into romantic relationships.

    1. Awesome Sunshine!! What a great love story you have!! Thank you so much for sharing. That just made my day. And with all of the wisdom you possess, I have a feeling you’ll have no trouble raising your boys well in this and all areas! πŸ™‚ Aloha

  3. Many years ago my friend posted on MYSPACE (i warned you it was many years ago) a beautiful prayer. It was targeted to “my future spouse” but also prayed for those who would become the spouses of my friends. It was so powerful to me I printed it out and put it in my bible. I will try to remember to find it when I get home and post it for you.

  4. I feel the same way about dating. I am 14, and am not planning to date anyone until I am ready to get married. And that person will be someone I can see myself marrying.

    Great post.

    1. Awesome Abby! SO glad you commented. I love hearing from someone who is in the same age range. Good for you–you’ll never regret being intentional! πŸ™‚ Aloha-

  5. Dating. I have an opinion about that subject for sure, but let me preface this by sharing with you that I have five kids, three boys and two girls. The boys are 19, 16, and 12. The girls are 14 and 8. When my oldest was in the eighth grade, I took the three older children aside and spelled out my rules. I told them there were to be no boyfriends or girlfriends until they were 16 and even then they didn’t NEED to have one. My husband and I both encourage dating. We prefer group dating, but one on one dating is okay on occasion. I am also the varsity softball coach at the high school and year after year I see what boyfriends do to my players. πŸ™‚ I remember being 14 when that first boy showed interest in me. I nearly lost all control of my senses. And I am reminded of that phenomena each day as I work in the high school. Attraction is a wonderful thing, but in my opinion needs parental guidance and a lot of openness. Good luck with your boys. Instill a respect for the opposite sex (which I’m sure you already do) and keep those lines of communication open. Aloha from Idaho!

  6. Sheena Carnie says:

    Love this Monica. you are blessed that your eldest has his head screwed on straight – long may it last – sooner or later some girl is going to twist it round! My eldest (16 and a half) is now apparently dating a girl who lives about 800km away and whom he met on a youth camp in December. I can live with that – at the moment they Whatsapp all the time, and he’s not likely to see her again until December. Will see where it goes from there. Don’t you just LOVE when youre little kids think you’re so special they want to marry you!

  7. Oh my goodness. This post has my heart melting all over the place – you guys are amazing parents! My heart basically exploded when I got to “Pray for future wives.” Too much sweetness.

    Warm Regards,
    Alexandra
    http://www.littlewildheart.com

  8. I always prayed for the spouses of my son and daughter when they were young and God answered that prayer exceedingly and abundantly more than I could have imagined. But it never occurred to me to teach THEM to pray for their future spouses as well. I love that! And now that my daughter has 3 boys, what a great concept for them to use. So glad she also loves your blog!

    1. yay! that is so awesome–thank you for the kind words. And yes, I give my mother-in-law much credit as I’m sure she was the consistent one all of those years (and still now! :)) aloha

  9. Monica-you know how I love this! My twins say the same thing about dating…so funny to hear it from your son too!

    I also talk to them about praying for their future spouse and I actually pray that prayer all the time.

    Thanks for sharing this!

    1. Thank you Amy!! So…maybe you and I should talk about your daughter and my son sometime…hahahaha! It is super encouraging for me to hear about families with like minds. Bless you and aloha!