A while back I said that I wanted to share some short/sweet posts related to marriage this year…Some encouragement for all of us, because when we’re in this season of raising kids and doing a gazillion other things, sometimes we lose focus on that most important relationship.
Mostly I just want to share with you some of the things that I am working on. Not preaching, but encouraging.
And let’s start with a reminder: Marriage has seasons. It’s normal to go through times where you feel closer to your spouse, and then a bit more distance….some sweet and easy times, as well as times with more stress or strain. A strong marriage can withstand all of those things. But a healthy marriage is also intentional, and requires some love and effort. In all of the seasons.
If you read my recent letter to my man, you know I am as guilty as the next weary mom of taking my husband for granted. Sometimes I’m not even very nice to him. But I don’t want it to be like that. I want to grow my marriage all of the time. I want to have the best marriage possible, because when the kids are grown and gone, we’ll still have each other. And I want those to be really good years!
Though I know you can’t force or fake feelings, I do believe you can do plenty to spark feelings. I think we can all make choices to foster thoughtfulness, and romance. And even if you would rather wait for your spouse to do it, I say: Don’t wait. Just make a move in the right direction. That’s usually all it takes.
Today I am sharing one trick that has never let me down. A helpful tool I have found to make me fall in love with my husband over and over again.
My trick is to simply REMEMBER. This one takes a little time, so you’ll need to stop: Be still. Give yourself the space to use your imagination for a few seconds.
Then remember. Remember first meeting him. Remember the eye contact. The smile. the attraction. Remember when you knew…really knew HE WAS THE ONE. Then remember all of the little things that added up to make you so sure.
Take it a step further and remember all of the ways you are truly blessed to be in this relationship now. Remember the last time he really pulled through for you. Remember how he helped you through rough seasons, or forgave you when you were difficult. Remember what he has sacrificed to care for your family. (Side note: Don’t let this side-track you into listing his failings or short-comings. Focus on the positive.)
Then, remember how attractive he is to you when he _____ (fill in the blank.) Maybe it’s something he says or when he dresses up. I think Dave is so attractive with his stethoscope around his neck (haha, silly but honest.) Do you love him in his dirty-work clothes or in his suit and tie? Do you love it when he plays with your kids, or plays the guitar? (I love both.) Just think on these things.
Take time to remember today.
Then, (I challenge you) take time to tell him some of those memories. Maybe in a random text or phone call. You might write them down. If you can get alone you might whisper them in his ear. Just let him know that you remember how it was at first. You remember why you fell so hard for him. And you remember why you want to be with him for a lifetime.
Whatever you focus on most is typically what will grow. Focus on the negative and you are bound to see more negative. Focus on that spark–the attraction you have for your husband, and you are very likely to feel more attraction. It’s science. It’s a choice. It’s a gift from God.
In comments: Will you share a first memory of the spark you felt for your spouse. Was it a love-at-first-sight thing? Did it take weeks or years or was it a whirlwind romance? Feel free to name what you love most about your spouse. I love to hear this stuff, and spouse-bragging is totally welcome here!
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PS A great marriage book: Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs
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