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168 Comments

  1. Such a great reminder! I think God lead me to this post today because I needed it. Thank you!

  2. Jan Elsperman says:

    This is a great post. My girls are in high school and college now, but they all live here..and there are moments….when chaos hits! Then I grab my yellow labs and take them to the park, just so I can breathe! 4 boys..Wow! I had 3 brothers and that was exhausting just being the sister..)

  3. I absolutely love your writing Monica. It all speaks to me so much! Especially in this season of having a little boy and more kiddos in the future. Thank you for blessing us with your writing! Much love from Kansas.

    1. Thank you so so much Amber! That means a lot to me. Blessings from Hawaii all the way to Kansas!! πŸ™‚ XO Aloha!

  4. Thank you. Today, I just needed a bit of perspective. And you have reminded me at the perfect moment when they are all in bed and I can properly listen to your message. Tomorrow I can try again.

  5. Somehow I happened upon your post during a distracted moment in my morning devotions and it brought me to tears with its truth and beauty. Thank you…for being real and for sharing. I know it wasn’t a distraction after all but the Holy Spirit speaking to my burdened heart. ❀️ Mahalo!

    1. Karyn, Thank you so much for taking the time to let me know this post resonated with you. πŸ™‚ Blessings to you today as you keep doing your best…and lots of grace for you in this season! XO aloha-

  6. Thank you, thank you, thank you for all the wisdom in your post! It will definitely give me a new perspective next time I sit down with my daughter to help her with homework (6 years old, 1st grade, learning to read and write!).

    1. Thank YOU, Fani, for taking the time to read the post and letting me know it encouraged you. I pray you have a great time with your daughter over homework — you’ll never regret the time you give! Much aloha-

  7. This was a timely encouragement for me. Thank you for sharing the wisdom God has given you!!

    1. Thank you Sally!! That blesses me… Hope to see you soon. XO

  8. Maria Timmons says:

    Thank you. I needed to read both of these posts. I have been irritable about the kids mess and I need to remember to stop and be thankful that my house has life.

  9. Jennifer Easterbrooks says:

    Wow! Just what I needed to hear…. I’m a homeschool mom of three boys, so you know my world. Thanks soooooo much for your honest heart and for speaking truth. You’re such a blessing! Thanks for sharing πŸ™‚πŸ’–

  10. You are a genius, my dear. Or inspired. Either way, you wrote a very important article. God bless you

    1. oh that is so very kind, Vickie. πŸ™‚ bless you for taking the time to say that! I appreciate it. Have a wonderful week! ALoha-

    1. Awww, good and thank you for taking the time to tell me. πŸ™‚

  11. This was beautiful. It was what I needed to hear. And I cried, well several times reading this and thinking about my purpose. Thankyou!

  12. Farleyagain says:

    This is wonderful and brilliant and right! I, too, had a fussy baby and received similar advice from my La Leche League contact. She said, “It will end when the baby’s needs are satisfied; and you will reap the rewards of that time with her.” She was right. That fussy baby became my fuzzy child that supported me when I needed it. Children let you know when they need you and if you see the pattern and get in there and meet those Momtime needs before things go off the rails, you become the supermom you know you are.

    1. Wow, more great wisdom! Beatufully said. I love it. And so glad you got good advice when you needed it. Thank you for commenting! Aloha-

  13. Jordan K. says:

    I read this post a long time ago… I’d assume when you first wrote it. But a friend just shared it on fb and it could not have been a better timed Holy Spirit gift to my heart! My darling girl has some developmental challenges that are a daily mountain of surrender and overcoming. It’s beautiful, breathtaking and heart wrenching all within minutes of each other throughout the day. But she’s one of the greatest joys of my life. God chose ME! I get to be her mom, I get to teach her and love her and fight for her. Thank you, Monica. For the way you share your heart… it was just what I needed today to kick me in the booty and refocus my heart on the gift I’ve been given!

    And because I’m asking everyone and their mom that I come in contact with πŸ˜‰ I’m on day two of my new adventure with Rodan & Fields skincare products. If you’d like to try anything I’d love to send you anything you want to try! Just let me know if you’re interested πŸ™‚ [email protected]

    1. Oh Jordan…That makes me so happy! I’m so glad the timing of this post finding you again was right. πŸ˜‰ And God bless you for your heart for your daughter–I absolutely believe that God gives kids with any special needs/challenges to the most amazing parents. And thank you for the Rodan and Fields mention. I have heard good things about the brand, and if I want to try something, I will let you know first! πŸ™‚
      XO

  14. My kids are all grown and I have raised 5 plus some of their friends. I wish I had had your blog when mine were small. Maybe I would have done a much better job. Now I share your face book posts to my kids who have small ones. Ty πŸ™‚

    1. Oh that is SO sweet, Deidre! Thank you so much. I’m sure you did an amazing job. Bless you for the very kind comment! aloha-

  15. Good for you, Monica for writing this article! Big thumbs up!

  16. “This job has been given to me to do. Therefore, it is a gift. Therefore, it is an offering I may make to God. Therefore, it is to be done gladly, if it is done for Him. Here, not somewhere else, I may learn God’s way. In this job, not in some other, God looks for faithfulness.” Elisabeth Elliot

  17. I loved this! Thank you! I have found myself doing this with hard things in my life and it has worked. If I can change my attitude or perspective then it really makes a difference in how I view my life and responsibilities.

  18. Thank you. I needed this today. My hubs just started his medical Intern year and he really is gone a million hours a week. And my youngest child is SO so draining. And I needed this. So thank you πŸ™‚

  19. I love your attitude! Wish I’d had a mother like you. I was definitely like Levi, with the love tank. Course, my mother was Joan Crawford on mega steroids, so there was no way my tank was ever getting filled there from that parched desert. Thanks for your message!

  20. Just found your blog, and am definitely subscribing. I am not a mom yet, but have ALWAYS struggled with my role as a wife. You’d think after 4.5 years, I’d enjoy my husband, and have gotten meal prep/planning/nutrition and keeping a routine down….but I haven’t. I’ve gotten convicted over being lazy and unintentional…..and you’re right. It ALWAYS boils down to our thoughts and perspectives. Love your explanation of it. That was very helpful. I will try and apply this to my role as wife….as hard as it feels.

    1. Becca–Bless you! Thank you for the comment, and it sounds like your heart is absolutely in the right place! Keep working and growing…it took me a long time and I still have a ways to go! πŸ™‚ Aloha-

  21. And the really good friends are the ones who don’t hold it against you when a season demands your focus on that One Thing.

  22. Thank you for openingly talking about parenting issues. New mom’s (and old) need to know that we are not perfect and we struggle-and that is OK! Asking for guidance and admitting we don’t know what to do makes us as mom’s better. Thank you too, for shining your Light! God is in the details and we need to see/praise Him more.

    1. Thank you so much Allison! Hope you have a great weekend! aloha-

  23. I wish I would have been introduced to these words 35 years ago. I have passed this to my daughter. Thankyou.

  24. Great post! It’s akin to what I’ve come to with my husband, the “this is our normal for now.” Our twins, age 7, are much higher maintenance than I envisioned our dreamy little family would be. Lots of emotional drama and sensory issues. At any rate, perspective like what you’ve written is perfect. Thank you for the post.
    PS
    We’ll be in Hawaii next week–maybe I can actually meet you! πŸ™‚
    Jodi (Denver, CO)

  25. This post spoke to my heart & how God has been molding & shaping me this past year. You said my story!! I have 5 kids, and so when I was in the throws of little kid-ness at the beginning, it was “what I did.” Now with the youngest I struggled to give that same type of devotion to him. I mean, you seriously explained exactly how I’ve felt! And I felt confused at time because I’d think – why am I so torn? I love being a Mom! God has been giving me renewed joy for my calling, and a desire to be a KIND mom…I’ve simplified my life so I can spend more time chasing my babies than chasing things. I plan my days so that I can still have time to do things that fill my cup (aside from my family!) so that when I am with my family, I can be 100% present in the moment! (that doesn’t always happen of course lol, but that’ my focus!)

  26. Thank you for this, I really needed to read your story. *Hugs*:)

    1. and *hugs* back to you! So glad you enjoyed it. Aloha-

  27. Hi Monica,
    This post change my entire mentality about motherhood. We are on our first, who is only five months old. Thank you SO much. I actually posted on my blog about how it changed things for me, if you’re interested; I hope it’s okay that I posted a link for others back to your article. Thank you so incredibly much!

    1. Thank you Jamie. I am so blessed to hear that this post affected you in your motherhood! Awesome. Thank you for sharing on your sweet blog too. Sending aloha– πŸ™‚

  28. I LOVE THIS!!! What a fabulous post. I am taking this with me to dinner time, where I have struggled raising a beyond picky eater. I have dreaded meals for 8 years now. I am now going to see it as MY THING. God gave me my daughter for a reason and I will help her through this and I will work on not dreading but instead embracing!

  29. What a wonderful article!! Thank you so much because this relates to all walks of life!

  30. Thank you for “The Thing In Your Head That Might Change Everything”. I have a daughter that came along six years later than the two older boys ( 14 yo and 12 yo). She is our gift from God. But I don’t always care to sit down at this time in my life and play games or dolls like I should because I have other things that are more important. But the truth is what is more important than her? Your right it is My season in life! I should I embrace it!! Thank you for the reminder.

    1. awesome–SO glad this encouraged you. I absolutely relate. Keep giving her the time though, and you’ll never regret it! πŸ™‚ Aloha-

  31. Hi, thank you for the idea! I need it sometimes. I can totally relate to that: “He gets in the way of the stuff I really want to/need to/should be doing. And though I wouldn’t trade him for the world: I’ve often seen him as a distraction to my otherwise productive life.” I have two little princess of 3 and 6 and I love them to pieces, but I have to put them on the first place in my life. I love to be productive and the feel of it and with them it is hard to do…But I know they are the most important and all of those want to/need to/should be doing will come and go while my kids are the real treasure.
    It is interesting to see how mothers all over the world experience similar things. I live in the middle of Russia and I totally understand what you are talking about.

    1. Wow Natasha, Welcome to my site…all the way from Russia to my little island. πŸ™‚ So glad you are able to keep perspective with your sweet little girls. It’s never easy but being mindful is the key. Well done momma! aloha to you-

  32. I think what your friend said is a little easier to do when kids are younger and you aren’t pulled in as many directions. It’s harder with the youngest because your older kids need you too and you do have things to get done. That is my experience anyway. This is a great reminder about perspective, but with older kids, you can’t always just slow down and do nothing but spend time with the youngest. It’s a hard balance to achieve. At least for me.

  33. Monica,
    I think this is an inspiring and practical post that gives something solid for us moms to try. My niece found your post and passed it on to me and now I am passing it on to the parents in my organization called Principle Based Learning. Looks like we have similar ideas and experiences as we try to raise happy families. Keep up the good work!

    Carol
    principlebasedlearning.com

  34. Monica,

    My mother in law sent me the link for this article.. and she was right-it’s perfect.
    I am just a new mother of my first baby and even though I am over the moon about her she definitely can be more work than I had anticipated. I think this is something wonderful to remember and you have such a fun style of writing.
    I loved reading your post it definitely brightened my day and inspired me to be a little better! Thank you! πŸ™‚

    https://haileybingham.blogspot.com/

  35. Thank you for your words. They touched my soul. I work one day a week in the child care room at my local gym. I find I am a better mom there than at home. I get the cleaning done, I am patient, kind and more playful. Just because it is a job. Now I need to do that at home.

    1. what an amazing point, Dianna! Thank you for sharing. That really made me think. πŸ˜‰ Bless you as you put that into practice!! aloha-

  36. Thank you so much for this post Monica!!! As I sit here in tears…..I finally feel like someone gets how I have been feeling!! I really needed this now…..it must have been God who led me here!!
    Even though I have a long way to go, I feel I have a wonderful start!!! I don’t have any friends to help or lend an ear so I have been stuck in my ways that aren’t working!! Not anymore…..I am going to have your post saved so I can keep going back to it!!!
    Thank you so much for all you do to help Mom’s like me!!! God bless you!!!

  37. I needed this today. God Bless.

  38. So thankful to God for making sure I saw this post. I’ve been struggling (understatement) with staying at home with my kids lately. I’ve been praying for guidance and had just asked some other moms for prayer in this area of my life. And about an hour later I came across your article. I’m quite certain this will be life-changing for me. I seriously think I will read it daily until I can put this new perspective into practice. Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing this!

    1. Oh Denay–That means so much to me. How humbling to think I was part of an answer to your prayer! Keep it up–Every little effort counts! πŸ™‚ Much aloha to you-

  39. Christyne says:

    loved this!! wish i had read it 15 yrs ago, when i had a baby who cried all the dang day & now is my hardest ever teenager [i have 5 children] i am going to try the perspective change! thank you for your well-written, loving, inspiring, meaningful post!

  40. This article has truly resonated with me! Thank you so much. This was the exact lesson I learnt when number 2 came along. Now that he is 2 I need to relearn this lesson and put it into action. Thanks so much. xx

    1. Yes, and I need to relearn it pretty much every day myself. It’s a process, and it sounds like you’re off to a great start! πŸ™‚ Aloha-

  41. Jen barber says:

    Awesome insight Monica, a great reminder! Going to give this a go tomorrow pray for us if you think of it!

    1. Thank you Jen…I saw your comment right away and prayed for you a few times since! πŸ˜‰ Hope things have gone well. xo

  42. Thank you, thank you. More than you know. Thank you

  43. Beautiful! I am inspired & uplifted. This will stay with me for sure.
    I really love your writing btw!

  44. Kejal Mehta says:

    You sure bring light to things πŸ™‚ and make so much sense. My (dreaded) thing is…. a mother-in-law, who has been a support system for my child and me… BUT…. now she is turning into an ever demanding baby herself ( and she is NOT THAT OLD or an invalid in anyway). She wants attention ALL the time, and THAT is getting to me big time. Attention from my husband, attention from my son, attention from me. Its torturing me a lot…. i dunno if this is your forte, but let me know what u think. And i am sure going to try the ‘perspective change’ theory as much as i can, just so that I feel better about my day. (but she is like this 24/7!!!)

  45. Or elderly family members – parents, aunts… I needed this!

  46. My husband is an M1 at the University of Iowa. We just had our second child, a boy, on March 4, 2015. We had to go back to the hospital PICU with this new one for 7 days due to an unknown source of infection. He’s doing much better now. I just wanted to reach out to you and see if you would be able to be a point of contact for us during our season of medical school as a family since you are on the other side of it. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences. God bless and Happy Passover and Happy Easter

  47. Beth DeLong says:

    Monica! It’s Mrs. DeLong! I can’t believe this popped up in FB feed! I missed Levi and you this week and wanted to call you. What a surprise. Yesterday was my last day at school. I took another job which gives me shorter days with more time and energy for my family. Please give Levi a hug and kiss and tell him I love him and will miss him.
    Your blog is absolutely beautiful. You express yourself so well! Take care…keep loving your family and yourself. Blessings to all…Beth

  48. Thank you for this! I am the busy mom of 5 and my preschooler is just like you Levi! And the hour right after school! I want to tune out and disappear! your perspective has changed mine. Thank you!

  49. This is what I have been feeling lately but have been unable to articulate. The frustration and exhaustion. But you are exactly right, perspective changes everything. Thank you for sharing!

  50. Very rarely does something ‘speak’ to me so powerfully! Thank you!

    I’m the mother of 5 children under the age of 6. There are so many times, meals, situations, and responsibilities that I look at as just a mark on my ever-growing ‘to-do’ list. Thank you for reminding me to breathe, take a step back, and change MY perspective. As I sat in church the other day I had the strongest impression that maybe my children weren’t the ones that needed changing, maybe it was me that needed to do the changing. So, starting today, my perspective is going to change.

  51. I wish someone had tole me this three years ago. I had three kids. Oldest was 2.5, the newborn had colic. It was the HARDEST time in my life. I had children that I hadn’t planned for and it was me at my lowest point. All I can do now is be better. Do better. And cherish the moments. This post was BEAUTIFUL. I wish I could show it to the WORLD!!! When did our children become the distraction to what we think is our REAL life? These kids ARE our life!! It took me way too long to learn it. Thank you!

  52. So true, and on the other end of life as well. For the past several months, I have had the responsibility of caring for my elderly father as he battled cancer at the age of 92. Time seemed frozen, but went by so quickly that my life seemed as if I was swimming in rapids of glue. Several days ago, I felt myself indulging in self-pity, and kept asking God/The Universe to take my focus away from myself and back to my beloved Dad, who was failing rapidly. Several times I felt myself falter, several times I made that request to whatever Higher Power is with us, and was able to be incredibly present with my Dad for the ending of his journey. He passed away gently, with my arms cradling him as he took his last breaths, holding my hand and looking into my eyes. He was indeed my most important job, as I had been for his as his firstborn. This lesson, learned and relearned and relearned again, has become one of the most meaningful of my life.

    I am so happy that you are able to relearn that with your last little boy…it may feel like swimming through glue, but so worth the blessings of being present. Thank you for your story.

    1. Wow, you just made me cry. That was beautiful! Thank you for sharing that awesome story! Aloha-

  53. Pam Weber says:

    Thank you so much. My youngest is 6 and we also have a 12 and 21 year old. And we are living with my 86 year old mom who has alzheimers. I get so overwhelmed and upset, a lot. I really needed to see this. β™‘

  54. These words are exactly what I needed to hear at the time in my life. Thank you many times over.

  55. Laurie Woodward says:

    Thank you for posting true and honest feelings. So often we are left to think that we, everyday people, are the only one with these feelings.

    It is refreshing to have someone out in the public eye admit to such feelings of frustration .

    Thank you again

  56. OH my, I so needed to read this post about “the thing in your head”. Thank you for a new perspective. I’m dealing with a few difficult people right now, I can’t change them but, can certainly change how I deal with the situations that arise. Maybe when I my attitude, they may make it a little easier on me too. Your post has been a blessing to me, thank you!

  57. The Thing (in your head)! Was wonderful. I just read it and I’m a grandma and I didn’t need this for my beautiful grandkids, but I’m going to try this for something else!
    I am going through treatment for breast cancer. The meds make me so sick and so exhausted! My house looks like a hoarder lives here and I can’t get it cleaned up, so I am going to make it my JOB! With a lot of effort I will get it done, if I don’t, I have tried! Thank you! HUGS

    1. Dorothy–I’m so glad you are able to apply this to your situation! I only wish I could come alongside you and help you with your cleaning! πŸ™‚ (Maybe your kids could help out!? :)) Bless you as you go through this challenging season. I hope you feel better soon and come out of it strong! Sending aloha and thank you for the comment and sharing another way this can be applied!

  58. So needed this! Thank you for your words!

  59. From a homeschooling mom with four girls…thank you for this insight and reminder into what really is most important.

  60. Thank you for sharing! I had the same epiphany this evening when I put my 4 yr old son to bed. The routine is time consuming and i usually have Mant to do lists running through my mind. As we came to the last 5 min of the routine where I just lay quietly with him, the thought of that time with him being precious and a short season that I should just stop and embrace, came to me. I immediately relaxed and enjoyed that moment and plan to keep the same perspective every evening and with future moments that may stress me out.
    -MommaSquared

  61. We have four boys and a business and our youngest is 4. I loved this reminder of a message – it was spot on. Thank you!

  62. This REALLY speaks to me. I blog a lot about perspective and am all into being happy in any circumstance. Though I too have difficult situations. Readers assume from my positive attitude that my life must be perfect, while I’m actually going through one of the toughest times in my life. God has really pressed on me those very words lately…that the tough positions I’m in are my “job”. It’s given me renewed strength and determination on the days when my positive attitude starts to wain and I need an attitude check.

  63. I am a new reader (fan) of your blog and wish (oh how I wish) I had been given this advice many years ago.
    Baby boy #1 was easy – I felt like a supermom because everything just flowed so smoothly. Then I had much longed for baby #2 (just before his big brother turned 2). He cried All. The. Time. unless he was on the breast or being cuddled. And I came to resent it….
    But time (fortunately) moved on and over the past 14 years both boys have been through many phases tag teaming each other for the role of my “challenging” child.
    I am certain that had I been able to approach and manage the difficult phases with this advice that I would have so many less grey hairs (carefully colored of course) and would have wasted so much less energy on negative thoughts and emotions. My darling boys are now 14 and 16 and there is thankfully still plenty of time to harness this wisdom.
    Thank you for sharing.

    1. Tracey–Thank you so much for the comment. I love to hear different families stories, and I absolutely hear your heart. We all need reminders often! Sounds like you’ve done a great job, and yes–Always more time and fresh starts every day. XO

  64. LOVE THIS!! THanks and you seem like a mom we all aspire to be in our tough moments. Keep writing!!

    1. Thank you Laura! More like a mom writing about my own aspirations! πŸ˜‰ haha…You’re sweet.

  65. I needed this article so badly. I am a 56 year old mom (actually grandma with custody) of a very busy, head strong, 3 year old. I still work full time and I have a disability. She is my whole life. I wouldn’t have it any other way but, I am drained. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to try something new.

    1. OH bless you Grace! What a gift you are giving your grand-daughter. I hope you find all of the energy you need to provide for her, and to take care of yourself as well! πŸ™‚

  66. I read this post at the right time. My extremely busy sister runs a dairy farm in MT & just broke her leg. She willbe out of commission for 6-8 weeks which she can’t comprehend at this point but I’m going to share what you’ve said here about changing her perspective & realizing this is going to be her job for this season.

    1. Awesome! I do hope it encourages her. Thank you for sharing, and indeed–our seasons come in all shapes and sizes…Tell her I wish her the best and a speedy recovery! πŸ™‚

  67. I wish I had seen this five week ago. I had foot surgery and it was a difficult recovery, made more challenging by my resistance.

    I remember changing my perspective and thinking when my kidlets were small and how it would improve everything for all of us but I forgot all about it during this period of recovery. Instead I felt guilty and lazy for laying around (like I was supposed to) and even more guilty and lazy when I found my self enjoying the “time off”

    This is just a season….I may even miss it when it’s over.

    1. Yes Marcia–I’m hearing from a number of people who need to apply this to a personal injury or downtime. Funny that we are so bad at giving ourselves a break when we really need them. Hope you can still apply it now, and thank you for commenting! aloha-

  68. Oh my! How this perfectly sums up my life right now and how I wish I would’ve read this almost 8 years ago – although I’ve too heard this “voice” telling me to slow down over and over throughout the years. As soon as I scrolled to the photo of your Levi smiling at the camera…he embodies MY Jasper! <3 Such little spunky hearts! You can see it in his eyes just as you can my little man. I can totally relate and I completely agree that each season, each place that God has you, he wants you FULLY there. And usually where we are feeling such a resistance, it means that's the "season" where you are most needed. I love your words. Thank you for sharing and encouraging and loving God!

    1. Thank you so much Amanda. I love the name Jasper–darling! Keep up the great work. Aloha-

  69. Becky Hamrick says:

    Ah the power of words and attitude! Thanks so much for this reminder!!!

  70. HeidiAnn Geiger says:

    It worked well for me… the idea presented here, with “giving your best self to your spouse” a few months ago when I decided he needs me more than my current project needs me. πŸ™‚ Yeah, sometimes they get the leftovers in MANY stages of life… “Now we’re empty nest, I have time to…” and the answer is: “love my dear hubby as he should be loved.”
    Thanks for the good idea.

    1. Awesome HeidiAnn. Well done! πŸ™‚ Thanks for another great example. Aloha-

  71. So glad I stumbled on your blog. My four year old can make me laugh so hard, and then he can make me crazy!! I love this particular blog…please follow up with a blog on keeping the perspective going… and not just something that lasts a week before we are back dreading the bed time ritual! πŸ™‚ I know this is self-discipline, will-power, rituals etc. but I’d love it in the blog format you provide! You are doing a lot for us moms out there… keep up the honesty and amazing advice, it’s helping us all!

    1. Thank you Leah–That means a lot to me. I will definitely keep that in mind for future follow-up posts. Bless you, and enjoy that sweet (and funny!) four year old! πŸ˜‰ aloha-

  72. My “job” for this season isn’t a child (I have an 11 year old boy), but my spouse. I do feel like everyone else gets the best of me and he gets the rest of me. It’s not fair to either of us and thanks to this post, I’m “putting his name on my shirt”! It is my job to love him, make him feel wanted, needed and loved. Thanks for sharing.

    1. So great!! Thank you Cynthia. I’m sure you’ll find blessings as you give your spouse the best of you! Love it. Thank you for taking time to comment! Aloha!

  73. Needed this right now. My instinct when I get overwhelmed is to run and hide or crumble emotionally. When you got a family, can’t do that.

    Needed the reminder to press in and press on:

    1. Amen Allie. (I relate to that so much!) And you are so right! I hope you stay encouraged this week, and are blessed for it!

  74. Thanks Again! twice in one week πŸ™‚ I do feel resentment sometimes and have been feeling the heaviness of it recently. Also the desire to find a new way …perfect timing. I will do my best to recognise these times honestly and have a different perspective Gigi

  75. Wow Monica. I can’t believe how well timed your articles are. I have a 4 year old as well. I am also an older Mom and I sometimes wonder if I have reached burnout because of my other two. My middle child has special needs so I have poured myself out into the first two. My eldest is 13. I feel like I have been at the intense parenting stage forever.
    We are also homeschooling all three from last year. Bringing my daughter home had been wonderful but because of her needs my days have intensified. My little one was used to a lot more of me and I think he is acting out due to having less time with me. I love your post. It had been such a reminder of the season I am in and doing the best with where I am. There have been days that I resent having all three at home and long for a free morning. I see just how fast my 13 almost 14 year old has grown up. Thank you for this honest reminder. I know it will help many.
    Hugs Candy

  76. I am going to have to do my best to do this too! With five kiddos, it’s good advice for sure. πŸ™‚ Thanks for sharing!

  77. This piece is so heartfelt and helpful for all of us first time moms (and many others.) There are some elements within the “process of motherhood” that are tiring. I’m going to think them through and figure out how to make them silly and fun (or at least something similar) so that I enjoy all the moments. I’m going to put this piece my weekly health and wellness round up post as “inspiration” because it is. Thank you.

  78. Monica, I love this post – even as a 22 year old marketing assistant I can apply the lesson of perspective to my life. Thank you for your honesty and for being such a power of example as a woman of faith! Love your blog!

    Warm Regards,
    Alexandra
    http://www.littlewildheart.com

  79. I am a new follower…and this was wonderful…my boys are older now, but this would have been really helpful when they were younger. Great job mom! I can’t wait to share this with some of my friends with little ones…and challenging teenagers too!

  80. I truly enjoy all of your posts and it always gives me a new perspective on my own life! I wish I would have been able to read this when my oldest was a baby and again while taking care of my sick mother who passed 3 years ago. Thank you for taking the time in your busy life to uplift others:) I will be putting this post to use in my life currently as I do still have two boys at home who may not always demand my attention, but still need to have it regardless.

  81. This was so enlightening …. thank you so much, Monica! Reading these words of encouragement has truly made my Monday.

  82. Thank you for this posting! I, myself, have been struggling since our recent move to Germany. My husband and I were married in 2011 and I resigned from a (six figure income) to move across the country with him. Then, I took a position making half of what I made before only to resign again when we received orders to Germany. Now, I’m a SAHM to my 13 year old twin boys, my 10 year old daughter (step) and our 18 month old son. To say the least, this is hard! I don’t have any friends here in Germany and the time difference makes it hard to contact my best friend/family on a daily basis. I know mothering is my highest calling. God has a plan for me that wasnt my plan! It is great to receive encouragement on the days that I struggle to remember His plan and knowing I’m not alone.

  83. Gosh, that is so good. I think I’ve had moments like that but not really a time of season where I literally embraced it.

    I wonder how I can make my kids going off to college my “job”. So far that has been the most painful, the biggest struggle. I keep buying more animals but end up resenting them as they really don’t fill the space my kids had in my life and now I have a farm basically.

    Any suggestions are appreciated.

    1. Kristin, as a mom of little kids, I can only imagine the loss you must feel with your kids far from home! Maybe if you shift your perspective and take their growing independence as an opportunity for you to stand back and appreciate all of the work you’ve done to nurture them into loving and capable adults, you might fill a bit of that void with pride. Also, now would be a great time to establish new traditions with your children. A text everyday at noon? Weekly Skype sessions over coffee each weekend? A road trip the summer before senior year? When all else fails, photo albums might be a temporary fix!.

  84. I am so grateful for this post. I too have older, easier children and an attention seeking four year old which doesn’t jive with my daily ‘to do’ list. You have changed my perspective and attitude. Thank you!

  85. Just discovered ur blog, but I needed this message. For me it’s less about my son or hubs, it’s my diet & fitness. Flipping the switch in this aspect of my life will alleviate much of the tensions on my marriage & raising a rowdy 4yr boy. So thank you, been needing an attitude adjustment for too long!

  86. it sounds so funny, but for me, it was the cat litter. Cleaning out the cat litter every time I walked by no matter what has honestly changed my life. I was definitely getting frustrated with all the menial housework and homework and refereeing fights between kids and was waiting for my real calling, my real life to begin and then, a-ha! like you said, I realized that this was my calling, my life for right now. Now I see all of these messes, math problems, and squabbles, no matter how big or how small, (and especially if they are the last thing in the world that I want to deal with) as a chance to pour out my love on my family. And I can truly say I rejoice and thank God for every chance I get!

  87. Sheena Carnie says:

    Thank you Monica for the reminder. Lately I’ve been telling (yelling at) my kids that it’s 8pm and I WANT TO BE OFF DUTY!!!!!! That could be because I’ve had to take on a lot of extra work and I’m shattered by 8pm, but then I remember how lovely it is to cuddle in bed and read to my 12 year old and how special it is that he still wants that at that age, and that soon he will be 13 and if I say no every time he asks, soon he will stop asking, so tonight I will cuddle in bed with him again at 8pm and read him a bedtime story. xxxxx

  88. This is such a lovely post. It’s too easy to forget what your most important job is when you have so many things fighting for your attention x

  89. This is so good, Monica! My 2-year-old is giving me a lot of grief and I have major guilt I’m not the attentive mom I was to my first born, but you are so right about perspective. Tomorrow is a new day, and it is time I flipped a switch. Thank you SO much!

  90. This is very needed for me! My 3 yr old is a huge challenge right now, I’m 11 weeks prego, and my 1 yr old has been sick so I’m at my wits ends with what to do about the super energetic, stuck in the house because it’s too cold out, 3 yr old. And I think a change of perspective could really help in this tough season!! Thank you for sharing honestly your wisdom πŸ™‚

  91. Anne Martin says:

    Thank you again for such words of wisdom. It was very timely for me. In a season where our little 7 year-old boy that we adopted is the bottomless attention-seeker, this perspective is exactly what I needed to hear. I happened upon your writings on someone’s facebook page- I think it was God’s answer to a prayer- and am so grateful that I did. Blessings to you, Monica!

  92. Thank you so very much for this. I always felt like I was a ‘distraction’ to my own mother as a child and for that very reason I try hard not to do it to my own children. I have a 4 year old too and it can be so challenging because he is so needy. But I tell myself all the time to just focus. Put down the phone, get off the computer, stop cleaning up for a minute and focus on their need at that time. Usually that’s all they need.
    Please keep doing what your doing and sharing your gift! -Tomi

    1. Thank you Tomi! Oh that makes me sad…I don’t think I thought much about what it actually feels like to grow up feeling like a distraction to a parent…Ouch! Thanks for giving that perspective as well. Bless you and thank you for the encouragement.

  93. Thank you for that post! I believe it applies to all moms. I wish I had that advice with my colicky baby. Now mine are 13 and 17 and I can still apply it and will now be more mindful of my attitude with my difficult but awesome 13 yr old daughter.

  94. My four year old sounds a lot like Levi =) This was great. Thank you for sharing with your readers the things God is teaching you. SO very helpful!

  95. THANK YOU for this. It was just what I needed to hear. It brought me to tears because it hit home. You’ve made me realize how to change where I’ve been struggling with my son. THANK YOU.

  96. Like they say hind sight is always 20/20. My 10 yr old daughter (love her to pieces) has always been a challenging child but like you I have learned it is better to embrace it then fight it. Just last night, in anticipation to traveling to Ohau this week, I sat down and made my “plan” for dealing with Meg. She has been known to wreak a few family outings so my husband and I try to anticipate “issues” like big crowds, loud noises, allergies, and disruption in sleep that seem to throw her off. There are simple fixes we can do they will make our trip a whole lot easier. I have also started to teach her to anticipate the “things or times” that may challenge her so she can become her own advocate as she gets older.

  97. Awesome perspective. I like the light switch analogy to remind yourself too! Your life sounds amazing to me and I appreciate the honesty in your writing. Keep sharing.

  98. This is excellent! Accept, adapt and depend on God.

  99. Monica Carter says:

    I love this!!!! I don’t homeschool my kids but we are in a very tight Catholic School Community. I have 3 super social and athletic kids ages 14, 13, and 10. I live on a culdesac that is both a blessing and a curse because it is so huge! It’s like a built in baseball field. I often feel frustrated because the other parents are out socializing and doing their own thing and I’m home supervising all the kids and their friends or driving them where they need to go. I also volunteer a lot, and the school knows they can depend on me if they need anything. It’s all good stuff. I know this season is short and I’m thankful my kids are as active and as happy as they are! When I feel resentful that other parents don’t do all this stuff, I have to reframe my mind. I know the kids all love being at our house and see me as a trusted adult. I know when they are grown up they will all have great memories. This is just my season, and it will be over way too fast. Thank you for reminding me!!!

  100. Jessica Mahon says:

    Thank you, thank you, a thousand times thank you for this post. We are currently struggling with getting our 10 month old on a nap schedule and are failing miserably at it. He only ever wants to nap while laying on me and I needed this reminder to set aside time to just give him that extra love that he so obviously needs instead of thinking about all of the things that I “need” to get done while he naps. Thank you for this.

    1. Oh that can be so very challenging!! Hang in there and it’s true–You’ll never regret giving him a little extra love! πŸ™‚ XO Thank you for commenting!

  101. Angela Carr says:

    Soooooooooo needed to hear this. I have a “demanding but extremely loveable 4th child” (a son who is 5) and have felt similar things to what you wrote about. So well written! Thanks for the great advice! xo

    1. Thank you Angela! I’m glad I’m not alone…Bless you and keep up the great work!

  102. You have me in tears. I have a teething 6 month old daughter, and needed to hear this so much. Thank you for your words, they are special and appreciated.

    1. awww, thank you Lynsey. That means so much to me, and I’m sure you’re doing an amazing job. Keep it up! Aloha-

  103. I love all your posts but this is the best yet!

    1. Wow. And I love all comments, but yours was my favorite! haha…Seriously–that is so nice of you!! aloha!

  104. Absolutely love this post, Monica! As a SAHM it can be so hard to give up “productivity” as the goal of a successful day. Thanks for a reminder of the incredible JOB I have being a mother.

  105. Thank you. This is exactly what I needed to hear this week. Love how the universe delivers you the messages you need the most. Thanks for sharing!

  106. Kathy Forte says:

    I really loved this post Monica. It really is all about perspective…what we focus on we will feel. I am a mom to 4 kids and often struggle with being present with what I am called to do. Driving 3 hours a day to take my kids to school and their activities can be viewed as a chore or precious time to connect with them. I just finished reading he book “the hardest peace” by Kara Tippets. She wrote so beautifully about her struggle with terminal cancer and how to be present and love her kids during the dying process. She writes about going to their rooms with a bottle of lotion and rubbing their feet. I have started doing this as a part of the bedtime ritual on some nights…..it is a game changer. I am so tired by the end of the day I have often been impatient and have rushed them into bed. Taking 5 minutes to intentionally love them, connect with them and rub their feet has made this bedtime ritual something so sweet for all of us.

    1. OH man…Thank you Kathy! What a great idea, and I need to read that book too! πŸ™‚ Aloha and thank you!

    2. I just ordered the book! Thanks for sharing.

  107. What a great mom you are! Thank you for changing my perspective on my drudgery.

  108. Thank you! BIG Thank you! I have 3 boys within 4 years. All 3 are completely different. First and third much more like me and we seen to be on the same schedule. Then there is my 2nd. Sometimes I feel his role in life is to remind me there is no schedule. Cause he certainly isn’t following it! Great to get a different perspective on it!

    Looking at you pics, I can see the deep love between you and Levi. Swear I see a heart shape with your heads together!

    Love the blog!! THANKS!
    Eileen

  109. The never ending love tank?? How funny, I often ask my youngest”How full is your love tank?” because, at almost 6 he seems to need endless attention and physical affection. By asking him about his “love tank” I feel I avoid a lot of melt downs-from both of us! Also, instead of being frustrated at his difficulties transitioning, I’ll try to plan for it,expect it.

    And my second grader needs me to see his attempts at independence as a wonderful development rather than inability to follow the adult’s directions the first time they are given- which he has always been so good about! Hmm.. and maybe he needs me to view his attempts at humor as cute rather than obnoxious and trying.

    Very interesting mindset switch….

    I am not just a mom,wife and teacher. From now on I should try to think of myself as a mom,wife and teacher who plans for hugs and kisses many times an hour and knows that transitions will take time and patience, and looks for ways to encourage my son in his attempts to make people laugh and make decisions on his own,even when I have other priorities.

    Let’s give it a try! Thanks, Monica!!

  110. Thank you for your advice. I have two beautiful boys, 4 & 6 and am currently expecting my third boy this June. Transitioning from one to two kiddos was rough and I refer to the first two years of my seconds sons life as the dark ages because taking care of the two of them at different stages was so hard. I don’t want to repeat those tough times of have a new baby in the house and struggling to adjust. I will keep your advice in mind. Thank you so much for the new perspective to always have mind mind when taking on a new life task.

  111. Katherine says:

    This is just what I needed to read today. Sometimes you get to a spot in life without realizing how you arrived. Getting back isn’t as mindless. Your return to the parent you want to be or need to be must be purposeful. Reading this helps me with the ambition to return to that parent my three boys need and deserve.

  112. Enjoyed this so much! Beautifully written and meaningful. Our 4 girls are grown and we have 10 beautiful grandkids, and I’m teaching now at a Christian school. I love it (and “my” kids) but sometimes can find myself frustrated. These words are great reminders! Thank you

  113. I’ve only recently discovered your blog, but I’ve so enjoyed everything I’ve read. You’re just a bit farther along in the motherhood journey than I am and you’ve given voice to some of the ideas that have been forming in my head. I appreciate you speeding up the process for me!

  114. i have a 4 year old too. It sounds like he might be related to Levi. He’s been struggling lately to adjust to his role as middle child and boy oh boy does he push buttons. I really needed this today. Will be starting tomorrow with a fresh attitude!

  115. Oh Monica, some days I feel like you right just for me. I often feel this way towards my first born. He sounds very like Levi and was a colicky, difficult baby. His now one year old brother seems so easy in comparison and even when B was a newborn it was little j who kept us up at night and who dictated when and where we could go and what we could do. I feel awful when I feel the anger,frustration and resentment rising. Usually after another long night with both but the youngest still wakes up happy while poor j just cannot be anything other than what he feels. Tired,grumpy and testing. I love him so much but never realised motherhood could be so hard. Especially now I’m back at work and trying to do it all. Thanks for being honest and sharing your good,bad and ugly with us. I’m not religious but I still relate to almost everything you write. Also I’m going to work my upper arms in my moments of free time too!x

    1. Thank you so much for commenting, Dee. Oh I know what you mean. Sometimes you just realize that there are personalities in play, and you can only do so much. Sounds like you are doing your best, and I’m sure it is challenging trying to work and juggle it all. Hang in there and have a great weekend! aloha

  116. Good one Monica- thank you for your delivery. So glad you are sharing the still small voice you have tapped into. If I have the opportunity to meet you I am saving hugs. Just. For. You!!

    1. Thank you Alison! So sweet. And I need all the hugs I can get, haha…Much Aloha!