A Parenting Lesson (from my walk-in Closet)

What my messy closet taught me about parenting in hard seasons.

My bedroom closet was a source of frustration for a few years. Then… last winter…I just couldn’t take it any longer. It was over-full. Cluttered. Besides holding my husband and my clothes, the closet was also home to: bins of old journals and books, a tub of wrapping paper, random paperwork, and honestly a lot of junk. 

When I walked in the closet I could feel my blood pressure rise (please respond back and let me know I’m not alone in having these areas inside the home!). Instead of being a happy place to pick out my next cute outfit pair of sweatpants, it was a continual reminder of my…lack of order. 

And my response to my messy closet was a lot of blame and outward projection: 

• “If I had a house cleaner, they would help keep this space clean.”
• “If I could find the right storage bins this would not be so cluttered.”
• “If Dave would put his stuff away, it would make this space so much easier to handle.” (perhaps true, but… 😉 )
• “I wonder how much a professional closet organizer charges…”

After months of grumbling about the state of my walk-in closet, something finally occurred to me: THIS IS MY PROBLEM. No one else can do this for me. It is time to just face the mess and do what needs to be done. 

And with that confession, I felt a little hope spring up. Maybe…this was my responsibility! 😲

…Not a house cleaner’s. Or the closet designer’s. Or Dave’s (well, not entirely anyway.) 

What I really needed was a plan of action. And some follow through. 

So, just after the holidays, I set aside half of a day and I dove in. Deep. I mean, I purged old clothes and put them into bags to giveaway. I removed all of the storage items to store in a better location. I wiped down dusty shelves, and got all of the paperwork out of there. I. Did. It. All!

When I finished I felt like a new woman. I felt accomplished and proud.

Suddenly, walking into my closet made me smile. I loved being in there!

I (only-half-jokingly) offered family members tours of my walk-in closet. They were (only-half) amused.

The closet that made my skin crawl one day, brought me joy the next.

Maybe you’ve had a similar experience to this in your own closet, or another part of your life. 

But I do know this phenomenon applies well beyond a walk-in-closet. There are plenty of areas of my life I’ve wanted to blame — or at least pass on, to just about anyone, but me.

Things I wish I could outsource. 

Or just throw up the white flag of surrender, and walk away.

-And to be fair, there are things that make sense to outsource or ask for help with. (I’m looking at you, tax returns….)

But, when my inbox gets out of control and I’m ready to declare email bankruptcy (I can get very dramatic about this one), I have learned to remind myself, “Or maybe I should just carve out a few hours and tackle the emails.” 

When my refrigerator begins to emit a certain odor, and I want to yell at my family members or hire a refrigerator cleaner-outer (🤷‍♀️ ) I’m learning to take a deep breathe and just: do what needs to be done.

It’s mildly amazing. 

Maybe these things come natural to some of you, but for me they have called for some serious adulting and the determination to do better.​ ​ And perhaps you do resonate with one or more of the above scenarios. (sending air high-fives your way.)

But, since I’m pretty sure you clicked over to this post for some parenting encouragement, NOT my cleaning and organizing advice, (aren’t you glad!?) I will tell you about a time that this SAME CONCEPT hit home for me IN MY PARENTING. Because: same rule applies. 💥

Encouragement for Parenting…

About 10 years ago my first two boys were young teens. And one of those boys was pushing my last nerve (worse than the walk-in closet.) I felt he needed to develop better character. I was at my wit’s end. Yet, again, my natural reaction was to blame, and focus outward:

“If only he had better friends who might be a positive influence on him.” “If we could find a Christian camp to send him to, maybe he’d have a heart change.” “If someone would mentor him, maybe they’d call him out on his attitude.” (Outsource. Outsource.)​ ​ Or…”Maybe it’s time to let go. I taught him what he needs to know, now he can figure things out for himself. Also: I’m tired.” ​(waving the white flag of surrender.)

I know that many of you have read the story in my books already, but I am SO grateful for the Lord’s gentle leading at this time. It was during morning devotions one day that I realized that I needed to stop passing the blame or looking for an outside “fix.” 

And giving up? Was simply NOT an option.

It was time to face that proverbial messy closet head-on. 

It was time to more seriously invest in this kid who needed some order and direction in his character development. We needed to purge some things, declutter, and create new systems. 

I needed a plan of action. And some follow through.

Though I didn’t know it at the time, this was the start of a lot of great change in my son, and in our family as a whole. It was also the inspiration for what would one day become my CHARACTER TRAINING COURSE!!

It was in this season that I quit complaining and got busy. I set aside other priorities and got intentional about building character in my son.

I leaned in instead of checking out. I made changes in my parenting. And I set my son up with resources, inspiration, and consequences.  It wasn’t more work necessarily, it was smarter (parenting) work.

And over time (not over night) everything changed. My son began to embrace character for himself. Though he never attained perfection (nor did any of us!) he grew by leaps and bounds. What a difference I’ve seen as that son grew up to be a young man of godly character. I am so proud of him and SO grateful that the Lord so kindly led me.

Now, all these years later, I have the great privilege of helping other parents do the same thing!

Nearly five years ago, I created my Character Training Course to equip parents all over the world to do the work of raising kids of character. I wanted to lay a foundation of short teaching modules (10 minutes average) as well as helpful downloads, prayers, and interviews with other men and women who have SO much to offer on the topic of character development. And of course, I wanted to compile an exceptional list of resources to help inspire our kids to embrace character for themselves. ❤️

I only open the doors to my Character Training Course 3 times a year, and this week it is officially open! Once you’re in the course you have lifetime access (you can work at your own pace.) You can see all that is in the course on the ​OFFICIAL COURSE PAGE. ​Well over 1000 families have taken part in this course and the feedback has been incredibly encouraging.

So in closing: if you struggle with a messy closet or an overwhelming inbox, I hope you face those things head on. I won’t try to help you with them (trust me, there are better people for that job, haha.) but I know how much better you’ll feel if you JUST DO IT.

But if you are ready to make a plan of action for raising kids of character? I’m your girl. I’ve done the research and gathered the best resources and created a step-by-step (very do-able!) plan.

It’s time to rise up and do the good, hard work. Your job is NOT done. In fact, God created YOU FOR THE JOB. And (a verse I have recently been meditating on -)

What you do need (we all need) is: some tools to help you get the job done. And thankfully, I put all of the tools in one place to help with that!

The Character Training Course Page

I hope you join me and the thousands of other parents doing this good work. You will be so glad you did!

Monica