Ch 14 Practical Help for real challenges:
working parents, schooling multiple kids at once, special needs, the downside of screentime, and other realities that make homeschooling hard (but still so worth it!)
By this point I think you know that I am a big fan of homeschooling and I want everyone possible to try it. Yet I know that I hesitant to believe someone who paints too rosy of a picture; I mean, the minute you make something sound too good to be true, we all know it probably is. And after all my enthusiasm on the topic of homeschooling, especially chapter 3 where I addressed (and mostly tried to refute) the top reasons people choose not to homeschool, I want to be sure I am staying fair and balanced here. I may be an optimist, but I also want stay grounded in reality.
There are times when homeschooling can be very challenging. There are nuances to a homeschool lifestyle that require a game plan, extra help, or even reconsidering doing it at all.
I want to be clear that homeschooling, like everything else in life, will not be perfect.
There have been moments, even while writing this book, when I’ve asked my husband if our youngest son would be better off going to school. (There’s a private school about an hour away that I suggested we might consider.) Dave talked me off the ledge, again, but my concerns were valid; homeschooling, even one child (sometimes especially one child!) necessitates commitment on the part of at least one parent. If I’m going to do it, I want to do it well. (Our end conclusion was that my work life needs to slow down after I turn in this manuscript.)
Since every family has a different situation with unique variables, your challenges will look different from mine. And while I can’t cover every possible challenge in one chapter, I will tackle a few of the topics that come up the most which deserve some thoughtful planning and prayer. Because as hard and inconvenient it can be, it is my goal to help you find creative ways to homeschool…anyway.
Challenge: You’re a single parent and you need to work full time.
To prepare for this topic I spent a lot of time reading articles written by single homeschooling parents. Now I sit at the keyboard, teary-eyed, hoping I can do it justice. If you are taking the time to read this section, I imagine you either are a single parent or you care about someone who is. So firstly, I want to tell you how much I admire and respect single parents who are all-in as parents, sacrificing so much to give your kids what you believe they need the most. I know that single parenting can be a very challenging and often lonely experience. Since I have not been in this situation, I cannot say I have walked in your shoes, but I will be honored to introduce you to others who have, and who have touched me with their stories. (See resources.) One of them, Kim Sorgous, has written a number of articles related to being a single (homeschooling) mom, and the following is an excerpt from a blog post she wrote:
I knew that in the long run, it wasn’t money or things that kids desire; it was time. I had grown up with a single mom, and I knew that time together would be scarce, making it harder to connect. I desperately wanted to know my kids, enjoy my kids, and disciple my kids. Time together as a family would always be more important than the extras, even if extras were particular types of food, brand-name clothing, larger houses, or a nice car. Homeschooling brought with it the promise of more time with my kids. I knew it meant I might have to hold a little one on my lap while I was typing. But to me, that seemed so much better than sitting at a desk somewhere, typing, while that little one was in someone else’s lap. [1]
I am grateful for people like Kim who share their stories and show so many others that it is possible to homeschool as a single, working parent. This will be much easier if you have already been homeschooling before becoming single and if you share custody then it is likely to be more complicated to begin homeschooling, but sometimes it works.
There are many options for working from home, avenues to find financial support, and creative ways to cut costs. It may take some time to make adjustments or organize a system for making it work, but I think in most cases you can find a way to homeschool as a single parent if that is your hearts’ desire.
If you have the chance to homeschool while working, it will require careful planning, good communication (with whoever else is involved in raising your child as well as with your child as they grow up,) and a strong network of support. And many parents have found ways to do it! IF you are newly divorced or widowed, don’t give up on the idea of homeschooling too quickly!
Be sure to use the links in my resource section to great articles, websites, and to find online support groups that might make all the difference in the world.
Both parents work outside the home.
If both parents work outside the home, it may seem impossible to homeschool your children. Depending on your kids’ ages and stages, there may be ways to continue to work outside the home while homeschooling, but it will take some strategic planning. You may recruit extended family or hire help to be with your kids while you have to be away. You may be able to organize your schedule so parents take turns being home (and hopefully plan to have some time that you can all be home as a family each week!) If kids are older and able to safely homeschool independently, it might be ok for parents to be away at work, but I would recommend trying to avoid this being a regular situation; even older kids need some supervision and definitely need to mix it up with other people – adults and kids alike.
I do recommend looking for ways to adjust your work so that at least one parent is home much of the time. This may require shifting roles at your job or finding a new job. You may need to get creative or do something that is not in your typical line of work. Like I suggested in Chapter 3, with some lifestyle adjustments you might discover that one of the parents can take a few years off of work to homeschool! If homeschooling is a priority for you then it will be worth it! I have heard incredible stories of families who sacrificed their ideal job to be present with their kids and ultimately ended up with a life they would not trade for anything.
Once again, there are links in the resources to some helpful articles and websites that offer a lot of inspiration, coaching and support groups.
You have multiple kids with varying needs.
Though it may seem crazy and impossible to homeschool a large family, there is a reason a whole lot of people do it. I am pretty convinced that once you get a system going, you will find it overall simpler – and so much more unifying family-strengthening – to homeschool a bunch of kids than to run them around to various schools every day. And the good news is, once one or more of the kids are a bit older (middle school and up) they can be very helpful with the younger kids, and with the home in general.
I loved the days of having all four boys at home. I often felt like I was running a small organization as I popped in to check on one son, then the other…then I’d whip up some food and then circulate between each of the boys again. I was the queen bee buzzing around all day and, on a good day, it felt great.
There were also days when things felt chaotic and frustrating, sure. When someone stopped by unexpectedly, leading to kids abandoning their school work, leading to goofing off, leading to “we’re hungry!” before any real work has been done. But even those days, looking back, were amazing. Looking back I wish I had just embraced the chaos and enjoyed them more!
If you have multiple kids there are a few things that will make a big difference in the flow of your school day:
- Having a plan – on paper. You may thrive on a super-structured system or a looser one, but it will help to have a schedule written down and communicated to those old enough to follow.
- Combine subjects where you can. Some subjects – like history, literature, and science, which do not rely on a specific skill set can be done for multiple grades. (Math, reading, and spelling are then done individually.)
As I mentioned in Ch. 6 my boys started off using Sonlight Curriculum, which is one of the many curriculums you can use for a few grade levels together. We would read a story about history together, then my older son might follow with a project or more reading while my younger son would color a related page or just listen.
- Recruit help. You might consider hiring a helper or asking if Grandma or Grandpa can spend some time each week either facilitating an older child’s work or reading or playing with the younger kids. I hired some of the homeschooled high school girls in our community to come over a few days a week to help with Levi when I was busy homeschooling and working from home. This can look good on the helper’s transcript and give them a bit of income while offering you the support you need. The other great thing about hiring homeschoolers is they will be familiar with your lifestyle and typically will blend in nicely!
- Use your own older kids to help! There are so many creative ways for large families to run their day. You can rotate between kids helping with the little ones, doing chores, and doing school with mom. You can assign specific roles to kids (from reading aloud to making sandwiches to tidying up the classroom) or take turns. With a little thought (and some input from the kids!) homeschool multiple kids can be an incredible experience. You will need to give yourself (and everyone!) a lot of grace and it will likely take some time to find your groove, but I do hope you’ll try it!
One thing I highly recommend (no matter how many kids you have but especially if you have a lot) is to teach all of your kids from as young as possible to work independently as much as possible.
My youngest son, who is a true youngest son, (he very-much enjoys having others do things for him and tries hard to make that happen as much as possible) has even begun to rise up to his moms (mean but proven) requirement that he do things for himself whenever possible. We were at a golf tournament recently and as I chatted with another mom it occurred to me that her son (also 13) was fully dependent on her for everything: “What is my tee-time?” he asked. The Mom chased down her son to put sunscreen on his neck, then filled his water bottle, and tucked a granola bar in his golf bag. These are all very loving mom-gestures, but I also might add: totally unnecessary, and in the big picture: not the most loving thing.
Levi had sun screened himself, filled his own water bottle, and told ME his tee time. He had a pocket full of granola bars and was focused and ready to play golf. None of this because my son is any better than anyone else’s son, but simply because I have told him he needs to manage his own stuff.
And he can.
Train your kids to do what they can for themselves. It’ll save you a ton of time and it will help them grow up better (also you’re welcome to their future spouses.)
Independent learning and time management are two qualities that can dramatically improve a large family’s homeschool life. Your job as homeschool mom will be so much easier you’re your kids are managing their own daily schedule and their own daily work.
You have a child with special needs who would benefit from the public school programs.
Raising a child with a disability or special need of any kind is a high calling, and once again, I feel inadequate to do this topic justice. (I’m grateful I can point you to resources specifically on this topic!) I want to hug and encourage every single parent navigating these waters with and for your child. God sees you. Your prayers are heard. You inspire me.
I know that many public schools have done an excellent job of meeting the needs of families with special needs. I grew up in a school like that and spent many a recess playing in the special needs building because I truly loved the kids, and their cool toys! My brother has greatly benefited from having his son Micah, who has Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy, involved in the same school district I grew up in. I may not be excited about a lot of things going on in the public school system, but I want to give credit where credit is due.
Since every disability and special needs situation is different, I cannot speak to all of them, but it makes a lot of sense to take advantage of a great program if it is a blessing to your child and gives you support. Parents of special needs kids have a massive load on them, regardless of the school situation, so I want to cheer you on to do whatever is best for your family.
With that being said, I have also been encouraged to hear the stories of families who choose to homeschool their child with special needs. Some have found it easier to homeschool so they might offer their kids specific therapies or make it to appointments with doctors and other specialists. Homeschooling has brought a special unity to these families as everyone works together in light of the unique challenges. Siblings of kids with special needs grow up seeing life differently than their friends who do not. There will be challenges that come with this, but many kids who grow up with a sibling with special needs develop a depth of character and maturity that is undeniable.
Similar to other topics we have previously covered, you will want to check with your specific state and district laws to find out how homeschool families can team up with and benefit from public school programs and resources.
Having kids at home increases [MS1] the screen time battle.
The topic of screentime and technology seems to be one of the greatest issues of this generation. As I have said many times, most of us parents (especially the, ahem, older parents like me) did not grow up with technology being anything close to what it is today. (Let’s just say I remember my dad’s first cell phone – which was massive and clunky and had a thick cord attached to the interior of his car!) Even if you grew up with a smart phone, I think you’ll agree that things are changing at lightning speed and to parent well in this time requires more keeping up than most of us feel competent to do.
I am absolutely concerned for the effects of technology on kids who go to a traditional school. Even if kids cannot have their phones out during class (though I know many still do!) what about before, after, and in-between classes? I physically cringe thinking of how many kids are introduced to pornography and other dark places on a classmate’s device.
Yet homeschooling does not eliminate the problem of screens. While I am incredibly thankful that my sons are not exposed to the screens of random peers, being homeschooled offers different challenges. For one, many curriculums are done primarily on a screen, which means instead of less screen time, sometimes homeschoolers have more. There are plenty of book-based curriculums available, but more and more curriculums are offered online.
My sons have all used online curriculums which also have a book/paper component. So, while they might watch a 30-40 minute lecture on video, they then get off the computer to read from a text book, take quizzes on paper, and use notebooks for taking notes and answering end-of-chapter questions. It’s a compromise, but it works.
My greater frustration related to homeschooling with screens is related to the time my kids have not been “in a class.” Their free time. (Remember: school doesn’t actually take 8 hours!) More and more it seems that screens are just everywhere, beckoning our kids. Youtube videos (educational, or not.) The internet. Social media. Texting. Checking the weather or the surf or the driving time to the orthodontist. You…name…it. It’s all got to be done on those dog-gone-screens.
The following are actual quotes from our homeschool life over the past few weeks:
“The pro surf contest just started in Tahiti! Can I just watch one heat Mom!?”
“In history we read about Switzerland…I’m just gonna look at Switzerland on Google earth for a minute!”
“Dude Perfect came out with a new “Stereotypes” video today! Why don’t we watch it before we start math?!” (Notice the clever boy’s attempt to draw me in, because Dude Perfect Stereotypes are seriously hilarious.)
“I just want to find some good songs to listen to while I do chores!”
“I just need to record my golf scores from the tournament on my golf app!”
And so many more….
Side note: You might notice I emphasized the word “just” there…because I just want to eliminate the word JUST from my kids’ vocabularies! (Anyone else have that parenting pet peeve?)
None of these screen-related-things are bad or sinful in nature. But they all require screens. And no doubt, once you get on a screen there is a very slippery slope to staying on that screen, scrolling from one thing to the next until time evaporates before your very eyes.
Screens are a huge part of our life now, I get it. I’m on them a lot, too. But I have suggested to my husband that homeschooling in some ways increases my frustration with screentime.
There is a solution, of course. Just one that I’m not very good at. Putting screens “in their proper place” as Andy Crouch (author of the Tech-Wise Family) suggests, will require some firm boundaries and guidelines on screen use. Yes, rules.
And there is not one golden set of rules that will work for everyone. But I know we all need them. Me, my kids, and probably you and your kids, too.
And while I do need to set firm rules for screen time (and I’m always a work in progress on it!) my favorite approach to the topic has always been less about what my kids “cannot do” and more about all that they CAN DO.
I keep a list of all of the things my kids can do freely (between classes or after school) and point them to that. On that list is things like: Read great books. Run around outside (even if it’s cold, they can bundle up!) Build legos. Bake. Clean or organize something for me (I sometimes offer money for extra jobs!…smart kids will take advantage of that.) Do art. Write a letter to someone. Do a puzzle. Play music. Dance. Write a story. Do a puppet show or skit for the family. Play music. Do any sport. And the list goes on. (find my printable list of 100 things kids can do (indoors) without a screen in the resources!)
In this chapter I have highlighted some of the true challenges that may come with homeschooling. These, and many others that are likely coming to your mind are worth considering. But this makes me think of an Instagram meme I saw recently. (see, there’s the screens again!) It was on the topic of health and fitness but I immediately recognized how true it is across the board.
The meme said:
“Working out is hard.”
“Being overweight is hard.”
Choose your hard.
To every challenge of homeschooling – and let’s face it: the choice to homeschool in the very best of circumstances – it will be hard.
But think of the consequences of not homeschooling. Maybe now, but likely further down the road.
Those will be hard too.
We all need to choose our hard!
Now I have some final words of encouragement for you before we end our journey together. See you in the next chapter!
[1] https://www.notconsumed.com/why-i-choose-to-homeschool-as-a-single-mom/
[MS1]If I do get rid of this chapter, I imagine I might add something about “not wanting kids on screens all the time” could fit into my chapter on “Reasons people don’t homeschool”…I think it is an important concern to touch on somewhere in this book. 🙂